Some things are great,
Some things are bad.
I know you’re glad,
you seal my fate.
My heart beats; my stomach moves,
I look at you,
I feel nervous and drool
As I feel your grooves.
I run for miles to be close to you, you see.
I get so anxious being away.
I think about how you sway,
When I first lie on you; then I dream.
And what you are?
It is obvious.
When?
“When” is the question,
that many ask when asking for the next best thing
or the end of the worst.
I ask,
When will I be able to draw bodies correctly?
When will I have the courage to attempt bodies,
instead of sitting with my book drawing busts?
When will this fear be over?!
When will I practice anatomy?
When will I complete my conlangs?
When will I put a story together?
These are only in my control.
I control when.
Drawing is not enough. Practicing other things are great, but they’re tiring or embarrassing…extremely embarrassing. It is extremely hard to post content that looks bad as it is extremely hard to take time on a picture that looks like absolute trash. By no means am I trying to achieve perfection, I’m trying to achieve completion or at least do something well enough that I don’t see immediate mistakes when I do it or it doesn’t make me stop too early.
I’ll show you some stuff that has me like that.
S is playing a Jinhi hunter and Damijo is playing the “evil” Jinhi. It’s somewhat early in Damijo’s acting career and he’s a horrible but cute acting character (he can act, he just doesn’t really fit in with the vibe and was placed there for nefarious reasons not of his own doing). Anyway, of the two scenes, a scene before makes S feel really bad for Damijo to the point that instead of drawing his sword (that I poorly drew), he drops it and walks to the Jinhi (again, played by Damijo) and nuzzles him.
S has a reputation of being sarcastic, brave, heroic, and insensitive (because it’s their culture to mimic soullessness or basically lack emotions because emotions are bad to them). Meanwhile, Damijo’s reputation is the opposite. He’s very sensitive, ditzy, silly, and humorous because he looks stupid to people and has a strange sounding voice. S basically feels bad for the in story character and also for Damijo and cracks into his inner suppressed self, Solisi.
S was born in the same small community— Sholi—as Damijo, but instead of being a Jinhi like Damijo, he is a Sol Solio. He, however, had a very different life then Damijo and was raised moderate poverty and lacked a citizenship to Bamygdala. He was scouted out by these people looking for an actor. He fit the idea when he acted, but his appearance and his demeanor was unfit. He is naturally timid, anxious, shy, and very emotional and will cry easily. They worked on him with that, but they also gave S plastic surgery to look more of the idea for Northern Bamy people, they were trying to push and made him bleach his skin and hair.
As sensitive as he is, it gave him an identity crisis and made him slightly dissociate. He sees himself as Solisi as his own, but S wants to take over his body and fight him. S is almost always referred to as the Almighty S, and even Solisi will call him that. Solisi refers to himself as himself and refers to S as someone else even though they share the same body and think similarly but differently. Solisi is very traumatized of all the chaos in his life and that’s one of the many ways he handles it (until he gets therapy).
Anyway, Solisi comes out of S in this scene and decides to not to harm the Jinhi. The director thought it was okay because it promoted a message he wanted. (That it was socially okay for citizens to buy a spouse that’s from one of the indigenous groups nearby.) Though, S’s mindset of doing that wasn’t out of romance. It was more out of frustration.
Anyway, this was a lot to write. I was a bit hesitant to write it, because it could be spoilers…but you know…👉👈. This comic or even storyline is unlikely to take off at the rate I’m going so I thought it would be more worth my time to just say it and move on and show you my oh so lovely art. (Not sarcasm, I do actually think my art is lovely.)🤷🏾It was nice talking to you. Have a nice day or night and make sure to stay hydrated.☺️
Okay, y’all. So, basically, I’m forcing myself out of my funk. As you know from my last blog post written in pure rage. 😬😓 (give me a break, I was reading about stuff to improve my art. Improvement has always been the soul crusher in my life)
I absolutely refuse to write long posts and pages about my concultures. I believe I’d rather like to split them up. It is tedious to write about every single character in a long post only for that post to never be looked at again even if I write about said characters. I have no idea if links work for people! So, I rather just split them up into informationals.
I am trying my hardest to communicate with you all the best way I can, but communication has never been my strong suit. Honesty is great too, but I’m trying to give relevant honesty and not honesty that gets on people’s nerves. I like to pretend I’m a good person, but I doubt I am.
I hate to post more than once per day, but it is what it is. I still have more to post and more to talk about.
Drawing can be rewarding but it’s also something I hide from at times. Sometimes I hide from putting characters out here. I mean, they are as they are.
Anyway, it was nice talking to you. Happy End of February. See you. Make sure to get good rest and stay hydrated and healthy.
Standing there,
Standing right there,
Composure upright,
looking straight ahead.
No tears,
No anger,
Nothing but looking.
Your ears are not aroused, are they?
Your ears are not aroused.
Your eyes mean nothing to you,
You’re thinking.
No tears,
No anger,
Nothing but looking.
No thoughts of taste,
Clutching your chest.
Standing there.
Standing right there.
Composure upright,
Looking straight ahead.
Hey, y’all. I have been quite busy. Thank you so much for your patience. I just want to ramble about nothing for a while. Why? I just do. I hope it doesn’t annoy you.
Anyway, I cannot bring myself to write and draw out a huge story because of that fear. Not of failing. It’s the fear to start and not finish. I always have to plan for my own self because of my inability to follow through on things as well as burn out.
For these pictures, I was trying to design clothing designs but also just establish color designs for two very important characters. They are Noshili’s brother and sister. Reqina (/ɾe.qɪ.nə/) is the brother and Pitri (/pɪ.t̪ə.rɨ/) is the sister. Pitri is an equivalent of a queen in the state she lives in. Since she is a Revalan, she has the ability to be around very wealthy people at any given moment. She’s married to the equivalent of a king. In the state she’s from, her family has much of the power since they’re extremely wealthy and are everywhere in politics, religion, and entertainment. I mean, I based them of the Medici family, but you know…there’s tons of very powerful families everywhere that are very corrupt. She is just as corrupt as people in her family.
She loves her husband, but she was quick to marry him at sixteen because she hates her family. Since her mom was a bad drug addict and her father was arrested for beating his wife and kids as well as moving funds around from all the companies he was in, she was fostered and adopted by an Ane-Ne Najigi named Nole/Adane/Zhan that at the time, had a cultural marriage to her uncle. He was cool to her, but she couldn’t help being extremely embarrassed by his abnormal behaviors and strange appearance that she rejected him quite often. She regrets it at times, but she’s a stickler on her beliefs and refuses to change them for anyone, including family. She only has a good relationship with Reqina. She doesn’t consider Noshili/Tatmtar a real sibling since they have a different biological father (NOTE HERE: This is a character, this is not my belief. I like to make characters with different personalities, it, however, doesn’t mean I share any of their beliefs) and that they look very different (they all have similar features, Tatmtar just has darker skin and a bit different features) to her idea of family—as well, their existence ruined her mom’s marriage. She never bullies them or attacks them, she just calls them what she seems fit.
Her best traits are that she’s very close to her husband and is his crutch when he’s stressed and they both do similar roles in the family of helping and guiding their children.
They are the same age too—I hope mentioning her age doesn’t make y’all think she married an old man. She didn’t. He’s the same age as her. As well, in this culture, usually couples that get married that are sixteen years old (which is the age of consent there) have to be the same age and no younger and if they’re older, they have to be seventeen and maybe eighteen—if not, people will look at the relationship as foul and you will get slandered and harrassed or shunned.
The other picture with the red background is a drawing of a character within the Revalan family. Look…y’all…it’s hard capturing the vibe of the character. That’s his vibe. I think I will draw him again to how he actually appears when feigning stability or actually is stable. I was mostly working on facial features and drawings and being consistent with family member faces. All members that are related to Damijo biologically have very similar eyes to him and rarely deviate from that (of course, there’s exceptions). I didn’t capture that look very well, but I tried very hard. I literally forgot how I described him in my notes so if he looks drastically different next time you see him, then he looks drastically different. I like going off of what I describe characters as to keep it consistent. Usually when I like the design, the notes don’t matter. This design is a great start.
Anyway, nice seeing y’all. Thank you so much for following.
Was _____ furious at us? of our fear
Of being alive, here, at this moment?
The waters, murky and unclean like our
Morals we pride ourselves and claim of ____
O _____, I hope the tears of yours aren’t
Frustration—the deluge you make, I hope,
Cleanses the world internally and out
And isn’t against us or for anyone.
I haven’t drawn anything. Sorry.
The comfort of nothing,
The comfort of all.
The comfort is limiting,
The comfort is comforting,
Therefore it must stay,
And none will think of the affects.
One day we will get comfort,
What all may think,
But that comfort is hurting,
It is comfortable.
I’m so angry at everyone all the time and I feel so angry it’s exhausting. Angry.
Opposites don’t attract,
At least not classic ones.
Some things aren’t opposites,
just different.
Nothing changes and when it does, something gets worse, making it hard to notice that there’s change. I’m here to fester like mold while people pretend to be happy on this rock. My brain is empty, but full, I’m angry and hungry. There’s no escape from seething and marinating from misery and when I say my thoughts to let out internal toxicity, my thoughts cause yelling and anger. I am angry a lot. I believe I’m helping.
But I frustrate those around me and they see me as a whiny brat instead of anything worth helping with unhelpful generic advice I’ve done. I know I don’t have traits people usually like and want to be around, I’m not here to be a side character. I don’t want to apologize for my world view or feel bad that I want to talk and contribute and help. People can treat you as a true burden and an outsider for the most generic of beliefs.
I hate feeling guilt or ashamed. I hate being ignored. The only way I would be better if I was attractive, loud or fun, and had stuff to offer to mainstream groups of people, but I don’t so
Imitation is the highest form of flattery.
Mimesis of the artists either means you’re immortal or your livelihood is stolen.
in the Renaissance, a human God.
A master worthy of being worshipped as if he was more than,
A hero.
it doesn’t seem like some people care,
to wonder what makes art of the master’s beautiful.
Or even what makes it good to them.
Mimesis.
Your stuff is worth remixing,
Worth putting in an allegorical concepts…
Worth remixing and rematching.
Others don’t matter unless they have that.
Could anyone be a master?
Or was this destined by a god, deity, evil religious figure.
Why do people make Biblicalesque stories and documentaries
And people willingly watch them,
Feeling some kind of connection.
Why do masters feel fake?
As they never existed…
How can someone deny a god, but worship the essence of a man they don’t know and never will know
and imply a person into them?
Am I simply r———,
Or did I miss out on something else?
That I’m to study these artists,
That there’s an objective truth.
That I’m supposed to like these artists no questions asked.
That their skills, talents, and whatevers are actual objective truths,
instead of opinions from those who hold my soul and other’s souls captive.
I question myself…
Why do I care?
Imitation is the highest form of flattery.
I’m sick so I can’t do much art without feeling like trash, so I’m going to critique my old art.
This picture is cute, but I think I jacked up a lot of the stuff I was going for. I learned a valuable lesson when it comes to watercolors.
One thing, plan OUT THE PICTURE. In fact, that’s the only thing. I didn’t plan this out. I was watching a video on YouTube and I really liked the singing and the passion and thought it fit mildly with the idea of this character. I mostly was looking at the qualities of payne’s gray or some kinda neutral tint from QOR.
QOR is definitely nice for areas on the background , but I remember it doing what it always does in the front. Due to the pigment mixing in there, some of the colors separated when I painted with them causing a cool gray on one side and a warm gray on the other. Pretty, I guess, but unnecessary maybe.
This is supposed to look old—like an old movie. She’s an older actress and by the time of the character events, she’s old and in her seventies. So, I was trying to make the picture blurry on the face to remove “imperfections” and make it look like it’s outside. However, since I didn’t plan it, it wasn’t obvious. You can’t see the character she’s singing to or what she’s doing. The composition of my painting is a bit boring.
The song I listened to, and my character’s song is completely different, even in sound. Though, I do like how the film’s music sounds, I’m not sure if I have the music ability to learn how to do that.
Here’s some of my music. ☺️ This piece is not finished. It takes me a while to write music with my schedule and as well, it’s a process. 🙂
As the day goes on, sometimes it’s very hard to draw so I’ll just show y’all some old pictures.
.
I know that people can look anyway they want and can do anything they want, but this art looks very white even though some of the characters aren’t white. If not, majority of them are Black or some type of Black mixture, however, I’m not sure how much of that is transferable. As well, the anatomy is … very dreadful. I love the character qualities, but if I’m not sure why I drew the characters looking so tiny.
I took a class in college called figure drawing. I’m not sure if it actually helped my art or I learned on my own while using the stuff brought up in class. Couldn’t tell you. The class happened during the pandemic, but my art looks different now.
I really like drawing faces only, but some people don’t find that interesting so I have to keep on drawing over and over until I can get decent anatomy. It really sucks knowing that I draw a lot, but not often and not anything finished. I can cope.
Flurisha is an oc I have and the last one who will be added to this chunk.
Just like Noshili, I will be adding a trigger warning here. If you are rightfully sensitive to child abuse and alcoholism, please do not go further. I will not get mad at you. It’s completely fine.
Good evening!!! I have some sketches for y’all! I guess it correlates to Spooky Season because all the characters on here aren’t human! I dare say they’re probably closer to humanoid monsters.
Some characters are closer to human, but others aren’t. I tried putting family clusters together but I accidentally split characters up like Adelewe and Adexe. Oops. The clusters of families are Ane, Neheme(I believe), and the Nedeme family. One family to the right are associated with the Ane family, but they aren’t biologically related to them. It’s not all the characters.
The picture above is of a character named Vivian (filler name). It’s a painting of a painting in this story. He’s a part of a AU side plot story where the original post apocalyptic plot happened but there was still leftover art. Vivian is an AI art program made by a female programmer placed into an male android by a male creator (don’t know what it’s called sorry). He is based off a venerated artist (that’s LOOSELY based on renaissance artists from this reality) and was made to mimic his art to teach a way to show process. Originally, he was just an arm looking robot thing, but the government received money and made him into a physical form and praiseable in person. Vivian was created then. He has interpretations and memories of the artist he’s based off of and has some of the programmers and designers features and personality quirks added to him.
One day, he receives some update that gives him a “soul” or a spirit—but it’s of course not a human spirit. That little brush of consciousness makes him unsatisfied with his art and ponders why he does it like that and why he feels controlled and why being alive hurts and feels terrible.
Side note
I can only write through my humanity and my idea of things—I’m not an AI nor do I know the experience of AI. You probably wonder why I’d have a character like this in the first place, but if people can write about other people, I can too.
On the other hand, an another artist, Hanzo /ɑ̃.ɮʊ/, is upset because he’s an obscure and irrelevant artist and gets mad at Vivian because he is basically so popular that his art is protected and is even angrier that he’s not a human so he tries to lose his humanity.
He goes with a friend to a dilapidated museum (not noted as a museum) to find bodies that are petrified by the apocalypse that happened some unnoted (my bad) time before the events. It ends up putting him on the top list for artists.
Anyway, he meets Vivian and clashes with him and invalidates his feelings. Vivian doesn’t really know what a human is but he doesn’t see himself as different but Hanzo sees him differently and it hurts his feelings because other people see him that way and kind of really hates being alive.
Since it takes a while to write and draw, mostly draw, I have not gotten up to the point where they become friends. This piece is a painting of Vivian in an environment done by Hanzo. Since this is not a real world and isn’t based on reality, some things just don’t make sense—but it’s actually supposed to be realistic to that environment because they’re just drawings and 2D characters and not based on real people. Doesn’t excuse me for messing up Vivian’s proportions. The only thing that I did on purpose was trying to make the piece look overworked, fussy, and lose life to it. As well, Vivian’s skin is yellow naturally as he’s supposed to look like an oil painting that came to life with the silliest looking blushed face that makes him read as non human. I would normally never draw a landscape like this, but I was more so trying to use only horizontal lines.
Thank you for reading this far. If you have any questions or just wanna hear more, leave a comment.
Unnamed for now
One lived amongst the heavenly bodies,
One lived amongst their family in a belt.
One was misguided—mistaken. They believed
That their family should remain closer together,
A unit.
One was unwise. They did not remember
That they had not the power to control.
Their family listened all at once, a unit
But not to them.
They weren’t the ________,
They weren’t Gravity.
A couple of family members wanted to listen,
They liked this one.
It was all unwise.
The _______—the lead,
________ was upset at the one’s decision,
But also, happy that the one tried.
Therefore, _______ gave the one their own area.
One was horrified as they were pushed of the Belt,
Quite indeed.
The spheroid they came across—a waterworld at the moment
One fell through the sky losing mass and the little protection they had.
There they laid sinking into the water,
Until they reached the bottom.
Pain.
One lost their consciousness,
But gained control.
I will update more on this later
I struggle drawing sex-based differences on characters. I don’t know, I don’t like when I’m talking about a character and someone sees them as something else. It’s not their fault, but it’s always fascinating.
My whole platform for my art other than just being my outlet is the idea how interesting it is that we can see a bunch of lines grouped up and associate it with our issues, our stress, our sex, our gender, our race. I’m sure in a different reality (if there is one) my characters exist (not that I want to meet them) but their reality is still in a 2D form.
I sat and made a whole culture and civilization for them with their own gender perceptions and their racial identities, yet, when I show people the art, it means nothing and they bring their own judgment. I try not to let it get to me, but it does. If I draw out particular characters with particular looks—how will they be received.
It’s always fun asking people how they perceive my art. I always ask it because I always want to know how people perceive race, gender, class, so on. A common one is, “what gender do they look? How come?” “What is their personality?” “What do they appear like?” “What is their race?”
I only say this because it fascinates me when I think about racial typing in my head and wandering if I’m representing myself well.
I perceive a lot of things differently than they’re supposed to be and it makes it difficult to show content.😩 What do y’all think?
I am feeling quite anxious and overwhelmed with particular unknowns in life and lack of communication:
When ideas meet stress,
They become silent.
Ideas float in the brain,
But they can never escape the mouth or the writing device.
There’s so many words one could know,
But when do they use them?
When was their word choice appropriate?
Was it used well?
It concerns some.
Do words mean anything?
Do you understand other personal languages when people talk?
Does one in a two-person relationship yield?
Does that one become main translator?
It’ll never be clear if one side ever got it.
Anyways, I’ve been a bit stressed with my school work and other things so I haven’t posted even though I said I was.
Anyway, I’m practicing my skills so I’m thinking about writing a “little story.”
What did you bring to the potluck? 