Categories
stories?

Hug

Some things are great,
Some things are bad.
I know you’re glad,
you seal my fate.

My heart beats; my stomach moves,
I look at you,
I feel nervous and drool
As I feel your grooves.

I run for miles to be close to you, you see.
I get so anxious being away.
I think about how you sway,
When I first lie on you; then I dream.

And what you are?
It is obvious.
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Categories
artwork original content stories?

When?

When? 
“When” is the question,
that many ask when asking for the next best thing
or the end of the worst.

I ask,
When will I be able to draw bodies correctly?
When will I have the courage to attempt bodies,
instead of sitting with my book drawing busts?
When will this fear be over?!
When will I practice anatomy?
When will I complete my conlangs?
When will I put a story together?

These are only in my control.
I control when.

Drawing is not enough. Practicing other things are great, but they’re tiring or embarrassing…extremely embarrassing. It is extremely hard to post content that looks bad as it is extremely hard to take time on a picture that looks like absolute trash. By no means am I trying to achieve perfection, I’m trying to achieve completion or at least do something well enough that I don’t see immediate mistakes when I do it or it doesn’t make me stop too early.

I’ll show you some stuff that has me like that.

S is playing a Jinhi hunter and Damijo is playing the “evil” Jinhi. It’s somewhat early in Damijo’s acting career and he’s a horrible but cute acting character (he can act, he just doesn’t really fit in with the vibe and was placed there for nefarious reasons not of his own doing). Anyway, of the two scenes, a scene before makes S feel really bad for Damijo to the point that instead of drawing his sword (that I poorly drew), he drops it and walks to the Jinhi (again, played by Damijo) and nuzzles him.

S has a reputation of being sarcastic, brave, heroic, and insensitive (because it’s their culture to mimic soullessness or basically lack emotions because emotions are bad to them). Meanwhile, Damijo’s reputation is the opposite. He’s very sensitive, ditzy, silly, and humorous because he looks stupid to people and has a strange sounding voice. S basically feels bad for the in story character and also for Damijo and cracks into his inner suppressed self, Solisi.

S was born in the same small community— Sholi—as Damijo, but instead of being a Jinhi like Damijo, he is a Sol Solio. He, however, had a very different life then Damijo and was raised moderate poverty and lacked a citizenship to Bamygdala. He was scouted out by these people looking for an actor. He fit the idea when he acted, but his appearance and his demeanor was unfit. He is naturally timid, anxious, shy, and very emotional and will cry easily. They worked on him with that, but they also gave S plastic surgery to look more of the idea for Northern Bamy people, they were trying to push and made him bleach his skin and hair.

As sensitive as he is, it gave him an identity crisis and made him slightly dissociate. He sees himself as Solisi as his own, but S wants to take over his body and fight him. S is almost always referred to as the Almighty S, and even Solisi will call him that. Solisi refers to himself as himself and refers to S as someone else even though they share the same body and think similarly but differently. Solisi is very traumatized of all the chaos in his life and that’s one of the many ways he handles it (until he gets therapy).

Anyway, Solisi comes out of S in this scene and decides to not to harm the Jinhi. The director thought it was okay because it promoted a message he wanted. (That it was socially okay for citizens to buy a spouse that’s from one of the indigenous groups nearby.) Though, S’s mindset of doing that wasn’t out of romance. It was more out of frustration.

This one is the older version of the nuzzle. There’s nothing that bad about it but Damijo’s face isn’t the way I want it and S looks too flat, but otherwise, I like the emotions of the older one more. Damijo looks adorable (to me).

Anyway, this was a lot to write. I was a bit hesitant to write it, because it could be spoilers…but you know…👉👈. This comic or even storyline is unlikely to take off at the rate I’m going so I thought it would be more worth my time to just say it and move on and show you my oh so lovely art. (Not sarcasm, I do actually think my art is lovely.)🤷🏾It was nice talking to you. Have a nice day or night and make sure to stay hydrated.☺️

Categories
artwork stories?

Feeling blep

Michelangelo, Sistine Chapel. (Anyone know what the name is?)
When you paint,
Do you dream? Do you create?
is this your reality? What you see?

I love your art,
They look like refrigerators.
I love most Mannerism art, but yours is the best.
I appreciate your creativity.

And who is this?
Is this your beliefs?
I’ll never know, but I love the energy.

I literally have no content for y’all but I want to post so I’ll find something.


Anywho!

I gotta redraw him, I hate how this looks. There’s like 500 characters in my sketchbook that look like this. He has to look different. At least slightly. I have to change it. He doesn’t look like the character in my head but the character in my head doesn’t look like anything. I can only see straightened hair and occasionally waves. He’s supposed to look like another character that one character likes but I don’t think I can do that anymore.
Soft complexity,
you knew how you should treat people,
under two gods—one going extinct and the other flourishing.
You have a heart that’s like a puzzle piece—NO! Not a puzzle piece, a sandbox.
Or a river connected to an ocean that cannot handle what comes in and out.
Porous mind, weak internal, strong external. Permeating consciousness.

Your childhood god is the same as your adulthood.
Your birth culture was your reality,
You’re learning, taking away, taking in.
No longer bound to a culture.

Soft complexity, take care of yourself.
Cry it off and move on.
I know I should be drawing and not writing down poetry but I’m 😩
Do you know where you are?
Nobody can read your thoughts,
Understand your messages.

You can talk as fancy or as uncouth as you want.
You are incomprehensible.


It causes you to wonder your place,
where you should truly be.
What you should truly be,
Who you should truly be.

Forge your own.
You have a multitude of realities,
one life.
Let yourself sink into the ocean.
That may be your comfort, your hospice, your refuge.
It’ll light your way. (;

Author’s Note: This isn’t about suicide. At all.😭 Just to clear it up.

Categories
about me rants

The Deluge

Was _____ furious at us? of our fear
Of being alive, here, at this moment?

The waters, murky and unclean like our
Morals we pride ourselves and claim of ____

O _____, I hope the tears of yours aren’t
Frustration—the deluge you make, I hope,
Cleanses the world internally and out
And isn’t against us or for anyone.

I haven’t drawn anything. Sorry.

Status Quo

The comfort of nothing,
The comfort of all.
The comfort is limiting,
The comfort is comforting,
Therefore it must stay,
And none will think of the affects.
One day we will get comfort,
What all may think,
But that comfort is hurting,
It is comfortable.

I’m so angry at everyone all the time and I feel so angry it’s exhausting. Angry.

Opposites don’t attract,
At least not classic ones.
Some things aren’t opposites,
just different.

Nothing changes and when it does, something gets worse, making it hard to notice that there’s change. I’m here to fester like mold while people pretend to be happy on this rock. My brain is empty, but full, I’m angry and hungry. There’s no escape from seething and marinating from misery and when I say my thoughts to let out internal toxicity, my thoughts cause yelling and anger. I am angry a lot. I believe I’m helping.

But I frustrate those around me and they see me as a whiny brat instead of anything worth helping with unhelpful generic advice I’ve done. I know I don’t have traits people usually like and want to be around, I’m not here to be a side character. I don’t want to apologize for my world view or feel bad that I want to talk and contribute and help. People can treat you as a true burden and an outsider for the most generic of beliefs.

I hate feeling guilt or ashamed. I hate being ignored. The only way I would be better if I was attractive, loud or fun, and had stuff to offer to mainstream groups of people, but I don’t so

Categories
conculture original character original content

Draft

Unnamed for now


One lived amongst the heavenly bodies,

One lived amongst their family in a belt.

One was misguided—mistaken. They believed

That their family should remain closer together,

A unit.

One was unwise. They did not remember

That they had not the power to control.

Their family listened all at once, a unit

But not to them.

They weren’t the ________,

They weren’t Gravity.

A couple of family members wanted to listen,

They liked this one.



It was all unwise.



The _______—the lead,

________ was upset at the one’s decision,

But also, happy that the one tried.

Therefore, _______ gave the one their own area.



One was horrified as they were pushed of the Belt,

Quite indeed.

The spheroid they came across—a waterworld at the moment

One fell through the sky losing mass and the little protection they had.



There they laid sinking into the water,

Until they reached the bottom.

Pain.

One lost their consciousness,

But gained control.



I will update more on this later

Categories
artwork conculture original character original content

Sketches

Hihi, y’all. I forgot to post some sketches! Oops!

A very “interesting” unfinished drawing of a previously mentioned character with the filler name Federico playing his character Dell from a movie. I haven’t got to coloring it.

I ended up drawing full on Noje last night because I needed to draw her body out more. It will not go on her main page because it has lack of arms.

I’m considering doing some more art in hopes that I can draw these characters more because they are lacking! Also, I’m lacking in color studies so I probably need to do those too.

🎶Aha! Yes!
We meet again,
You stand in front of me,
No longer a friend!🎶

🎶Aha! Yes!
Why are you here?
You wanted to leave,
And now you’re back for a jeer!🎶



🎶Aha, my friend,
My enemy or love,
I didn’t mean to hurt you and act like a bum.
These nights of solitude made me come back,
I don’t really think I deserve all the flack!🎶


🎶We were once something special and I want it again,
And I want that something special and not feel like I deigned.
Ah, my lover!
You’ve made me to a fool,
All I ever wanted was someone like you.🎶


🎶We once were something stressful and it sucked out my soul,
I didn’t think I wanted to keep up with this until I was old.
I still want to be friends in all of this mess.
I still think you’re great and I wish for the best!🎶



Why did you come here and say that to mention?

🎶I came over here for your attention!🎶


🎶Aha! An idiot, a coward, ugh you are so brash!
You took my heart and put it in the trash!
I’ve sat here and thought it was me all along…🎶



I know, darling, that that was wrong.
I’m sorry.
Categories
about me artwork original content

Random

I am feeling quite anxious and overwhelmed with particular unknowns in life and lack of communication:

When ideas meet stress,
They become silent.
Ideas float in the brain,
But they can never escape the mouth or the writing device.
There’s so many words one could know,
But when do they use them?
When was their word choice appropriate?
Was it used well?
It concerns some.

Do words mean anything?
Do you understand other personal languages when people talk?
Does one in a two-person relationship yield?
Does that one become main translator?
It’ll never be clear if one side ever got it.

Anyways, I’ve been a bit stressed with my school work and other things so I haven’t posted even though I said I was.

Anyway, I’m practicing my skills so I’m thinking about writing a “little story.”