Other than nature coming after my body, being online gives me so much exhaustion and really makes me genuinely hate people or being online. The irritating thing about life is that it’s great to exist but other people are absolutely terrible.
Why do people like bringing more people here? Why?
Anyway, I’m tired of people saying there’s no jobs or AI is taking over. It’s exhausting. I hate being critically online but I feel I have nothing else. I’m tired of exhausting people and feeling bad about it later. I’m constantly told that I need particular things and need to do particular things for my life to have meaning and I can tell you, 100% that I feel like garbage. It’s probably just my sour personality. I’m the problem.
I want to draw and color but it doesn’t bring joy and kind of makes me sad. It’s temporary, but it’s dragging my mood down.
How do you live in such a world and don’t understand a soul? Walking around aliens, Yet that’s who you are.
You isolate yourself, and choose not to understand people, as if you’re entitled to their opinion. You have no authority.
I’m starting this 100 faces challenge with my sister, but we took it down to a more realistic goal of 25. I have these moments of perfectionism but it never works out. It’s literally just drawing faces, and it’s not even that I’m that scared to draw faces. It’s the fact that I don’t have interest to draw serious and realistic faces but I feel like I should be doing that and because it’s what I’m supposed to do to be a real artist and serious about practicing.
I do not have the motivation and already put it off. I understand I have assignments too, but I’ve put those off. They’re supposed to be more realistic and painted well, but I just get depressed and discouraged because I know artists are supposed to leave their comfort zone…but it’s not a fun way of doing it.😂
So, I am trying to problem solve at this particular moment. I probably will just draw my ocs. 🤷🏾 (OC means original character) I don’t feel like stressing on it and they do not have depth to their faces nor need depth.
Anyway, I got some art for y’all! 😁😁😁 It always makes me so excited to share my art with people and it surprises me genuinely that people actually look at it, even if they don’t like it!
Anyway, Vara is drawn in a way that I think is so cute but her face reminds me of someone who I cannot think about at the moment. Vara has visible scarification all over her body, much like Noje, to show her family line and also catch prey with the glow. She also has a straight wig on. Personally, I just liked reading about how women (celebrities usually) back around the 60s-70s wore big, bulky wigs. Vara doesn’t have that curly of hair, but the rules on the set say she’s only allowed to have her hair covered, so a wig is a work around because it doesn’t show her real scalp. I also really like Renaissance hairstyles so I made it bulky like a beehive but shaped like a renaissance lady (without the ridiculous amount of braids)
David and Tijana are both socialites from a plutocratic family group named Revalan. They’re both harmless, but definitely benefit off of their wealth. Their family members, however, are very corrupt and is some of the reasons why certain people are scared to be alive or so on. I hate to write too much about these characters on one post so I won’t. I love both of their designs and skin tones but I wish I drew and colored them better. Tijana is a darker color and isn’t well colored to see that. He’s around Damijo’s color who is a bit darker than that.
When you paint, Do you dream? Do you create? is this your reality? What you see?
I love your art, They look like refrigerators. I love most Mannerism art, but yours is the best. I appreciate your creativity.
And who is this? Is this your beliefs? I’ll never know, but I love the energy.
I literally have no content for y’all but I want to post so I’ll find something.
Soft complexity, you knew how you should treat people, under two gods—one going extinct and the other flourishing. You have a heart that’s like a puzzle piece—NO! Not a puzzle piece, a sandbox. Or a river connected to an ocean that cannot handle what comes in and out. Porous mind, weak internal, strong external. Permeating consciousness.
Your childhood god is the same as your adulthood. Your birth culture was your reality, You’re learning, taking away, taking in. No longer bound to a culture.
Soft complexity, take care of yourself. Cry it off and move on.
Do you know where you are? Nobody can read your thoughts, Understand your messages.
You can talk as fancy or as uncouth as you want. You are incomprehensible.
It causes you to wonder your place, where you should truly be. What you should truly be, Who you should truly be.
Forge your own. You have a multitude of realities, one life. Let yourself sink into the ocean. That may be your comfort, your hospice, your refuge. It’ll light your way. (;
Author’s Note: This isn’t about suicide. At all.😭 Just to clear it up.
As you know, I’m practicing on stylizing and I spoke about the frustrations of styling characters and leaving out features to make the drawing process faster. I did basically a sequential outline on how I want the characters to move or whatever it’s a struggle still, but less of a struggle. The characters here are in their late twenties but you wouldn’t know that because it’s hard to discern their age (I mean, I struggle with that in general) and give them a defining quality. Some people know how to make eyes look so beautiful and uniquely drawn with beautiful expressions. I can give expressions but the eyes are kinda not giving.
On the image above, there are two characters—Neloni/Damijo and Sadorno/Madenna. They’re getting married. This scene is before the wedding. If you can’t read my handwriting, let me know. Anyway, they’re a hot mess. I wanted to capture their typical expressions and how the characters move. Damijo fidgets and rocks a lot when he moves and is known to pace and not stand still. Sadorno is a very internal person and her movements are more stiff but dramatic—especially when she’s in her angry or guilt tripping mode. She’s swift and sharp.
I’ll show you further why it’s difficult for me to simplify characters—the point I made last time I post.
I’m so excited that school is starting back up again for me! I’ve made a palette and collected my ideas for my new projects. I will still take out my time to post on here.
I also am still trying to figure out places to post a comic/sequential art without having to worry about it being digital only. I don’t know that many and I still have to figure out what is the best site.
I’m also really really excited for some new purchases and mixtures and hope they do well.
Anyway, I’m trying to find a convenient style for making comics. I get tired easily and when I plan stuff, I have to do it immediately or there’s a chance I won’t get to it after a while. So! I’m trying to simplify. The easier part is that it’s easy to make silhouettes and shapes with my characters, the difficult part is abstracting them and capturing their age.
A lot of my characters vaguely have very similar features and the things I’m taking away from them to abstract them are their defining features. For example, Noshili, and two characters Neloni and Nadoni. They have different lips but their eyes are exactly the same as they’re all related. They all have different postures and stances and different skin colors and hair but it would be very hard to capture that without seeing their whole face. I know it’s not gonna be that big of a deal, but I don’t want to get made fun of for same face syndrome!
As for other qualities, eh. I think they’ll be fine. I just have to work on gestures and showing emotions.
I’ve also been testing acrylics (not even appropriate ones—oops!) to try out with watercolors and they’re honestly the best. The thing is, they add a texture to the watercolors but when they’re thinned down and don’t have that nasty plastic flavor to it, they actually are able to have watercolors be painted on top. They aren’t resoluble though so while they can be lifted while wet, they’re not going to rewet and you can’t lift afterwards. It kinda solves my glazing problem to an extent. I want to do watercolor portraits that have vague qualities to old master paintings or have that energy but nothing is similar to it. These help a lot. I’ve also found a deep love for ultramarine. My heart and soul go to ultramarine (for now) and I love how it looks. If you know me, I used to hate royal blue and colors that look like it (not to anything that has to do with sports teams or anything, just hated it) but watercolors made me love it.
There are some colors that are perfect for being the main focus in paintings and that’s ultramarine blue and violet right now for some. As of now, I try to do focal points with colors that are important to each character. For example, Noje is a big fan of yellow so if I had her on a painting, that would be her focal point, but if I had Feyondo on there, his focal point would be blue.
The reason why I don’t elaborate sometimes on colors because they change and typically when it comes to some characters and their “soulmates” they always have complementary colors on the additive spectrum. However, with paints, that’s not additive and is more subtractive so these can change. I do not have an exact color for them, just a color family. It has something to do with their dreamstate/micosi /mɨ.kɔ.si/.
I am so excited to share more with y’all about more stuff!☺️ As well, my wattpad account is on my homepage. 🙂
So, I hope to do a monthly check on this, but for this year, I have goals. Small goals.
1. Make a blogger with art stuff on it
2. Start cleaning my computer and phone to prepare for videos
3. Start developing sketches for sketchbook tours
4. Draw more (this one is literally vague on purpose as it’s more of a vibe and not a particular goal. I want to feel like I draw more) and try to be more on theme with the story or try to start a comic or do some pages of sequential art.
5. Update this account more often. (And I mean having at least 52 posts)
6. Find an audience on here.
7. Write and finish my Wattpad story. (😭) I write updates and not writing and editing.
Some characters are more difficult to explain and require a lot more effort to make a post on.
Feyondo is one of the main characters of the storyline I’ve been writing about at the moment. I will try to have new formatting for this character to make it easy to read.
I didn’t want to post him anytime soon because he’s ridiculously hard to draw consistently, but I’m posting it because he’s the second character I created over five years ago when I made this storyline.
Feyondo /fe.jən.d̪ɔ/ (This is pronounced like Feh-yun-dou, the ou as though) is a tall, light skinned man with features that are mildly ambiguous to both ethnic groups he’s apart of—the original Nini groups and Bamy culture. He is considered biracial because the Bamy people do not consider themselves to be the same race as the indigenous groups there. He is, however, two types of Adish and a Ini.
Iterations of his name are typically Ondo, but some characters call him Fey—like his wife Noje. His legal name is Zhan /ɮɑ̃/. I have yet to develop the translation of his last name, so he has no last name as of now!
In relation to himself and his family
Feyondo was born from a teen mom named Magbagi /mʊ.ɡ͜bɒ.ɡɨ/ with very risky behaviors that aren’t well thought through and he wonders what goes through her head. These traits go to him, but in different ways.
Feyondo’s mom ran away her house out of frustration and discomfort and had a trip to Haden and had a one night stand with a man named Hadorinal /ħa.ðɔ.ɾi.nɑl/ and after she came back, she had Feyondo. She does not like her child because he is a burden to her and isn’t a citizen like her. (It’s a convoluted relationship, she doesn’t hate him, she feels guilty about her choices).
The thing with racial politics in the area is that if a person’s paternal grandparent isn’t a “citizen” of Bamygdala, then they aren’t a citizen there. (Of course, other groups are different) Magbabi hated that Zhan wasn’t a citizen after he turned a particular age was upset but just neglected him and would abandon him at times for men or hanging out with friends or just push him into a room with toys and brought people over.
Around the age of five, one of Magbabi’s boyfriends convinced her to adopt a child that he found and she did it to improve their relationship. Their relationship didn’t last after that and Adelewe, her new child, belonged to her legally and was liable for them.
Frequently, Magbabi abandoned her kids at the main religious area (I have listed in my stories as congregation, but it’s just an equivalent of a church, mosque, or a synagogue) instead of having them at home and getting in her way when she’s looking for guys or hanging with her friends but after a year, children weren’t allowed to just sit in there for long hours (without a parent or guardian) after a scandal happened.
When Zhan was still five (but later into five), Magbabi found a boyfriend at the park when she was taking her kids out to the park and saw that he looked like he needed some help and he was dirty but seemed nice and let him in to her life. After that, she let that guy move in which he’d abuse Feyondo and Adelewe in all means possible when he’d have a break down or would get angry with them for existing—this kind of made Zhan despise Magbabi for having him and putting him through that.
Further trigger warning ahead: sexual assault and violence
Mimesis of the artists either means you’re immortal or your livelihood is stolen. in the Renaissance, a human God. A master worthy of being worshipped as if he was more than, A hero.
it doesn’t seem like some people care, to wonder what makes art of the master’s beautiful. Or even what makes it good to them.
Mimesis. Your stuff is worth remixing, Worth putting in an allegorical concepts… Worth remixing and rematching.
Others don’t matter unless they have that.
Could anyone be a master? Or was this destined by a god, deity, evil religious figure. Why do people make Biblicalesque stories and documentaries And people willingly watch them, Feeling some kind of connection.
Why do masters feel fake? As they never existed… How can someone deny a god, but worship the essence of a man they don’t know and never will know and imply a person into them? Am I simply r———, Or did I miss out on something else?
That I’m to study these artists, That there’s an objective truth. That I’m supposed to like these artists no questions asked. That their skills, talents, and whatevers are actual objective truths, instead of opinions from those who hold my soul and other’s souls captive.
I question myself… Why do I care? Imitation is the highest form of flattery.
but is it possible to go back to the old things, not the good things, the bad?
and reimagine them as the good they once were, the happiness it gave, the sadness it sheltered.
the bad art that was made… can I clear my mind to remember what it once was? it is reasonable to think it is bad because I was told to do better and it moved my heart, causing it to writhe…my eyes glew up with the idea this person wants to help me, they know the bad, they can help me.
But did they? I can’t seem to draw a picture without hearing critiques, never bad, just mindfulness, but never enjoying the task anymore and wanting this perfection.
A teacher cannot teach me perfection, itdoesn’t exist. Yet, it does. It exists as much as race, religion, government, gender, sex, control. It has to exist…but I don’t like it. My liking doesn’t matter, there are important things.
I don’t exist as an individual, I never have. everything but.
I am a product, A statistic, A follower, A mistake, an Idiot.
Never something as my own.
My opinions only ruin people’s days, but rarely change them. I have no influence. I could disappear, and the only thing that would be sad is that I’m dead or hurt, but it doesn’t matter. cry about the issue and not the person.
And when someone becomes my product, my statistic, my follower, another mistake, and another idiot under me…
I wonder when I dream about someone if that someone sees me in their dream, what’s the point of doing all that dreaming, if it leads to me thinking and remembering those I vowed to forget in my reality.
I question my mind. it is a privilege to remember, but when I want to forget, it all comes back nicely wrapped in a dream.
Never important things, homework, medication, basic self care…
Just faces, bodies, of people who never seem to care about me or remember me.
I just find that upsetting.
It would make sense to leave a writer’s/author’s note. I’ve been looking at some people’s accounts and they do it, but I didn’t know if it was worth it. Is it worth it?
Oh, it looks like everyone is standing there around us…um. I had a great time at concert! I can’t believe you took me out to see my favorite artist! Wow! You must love me, huh. Thank you. Um. Well.
🎶there once was no noise...
or I heard no noise...
it’s hard to say,
I need your love.
There once was day,
I hid far away,
'Cause there was a crazy world out there,
and I was scared.
I need your love…
I need your love!
If there’s a crazy world out there,
I’ll be here! 🎶
This character was scrapped after a while, not because I didn’t love her. I really loved her character, but all her music doesn’t exist anymore except in a small file on my Google Drive from 2017. 🙄 I didn’t even finish the lyrics, but these are the only lyrics I remember.
I’m sick so I can’t do much art without feeling like trash, so I’m going to critique my old art.
This picture is cute, but I think I jacked up a lot of the stuff I was going for. I learned a valuable lesson when it comes to watercolors.
One thing, plan OUT THE PICTURE. In fact, that’s the only thing. I didn’t plan this out. I was watching a video on YouTube and I really liked the singing and the passion and thought it fit mildly with the idea of this character. I mostly was looking at the qualities of payne’s gray or some kinda neutral tint from QOR.
QOR is definitely nice for areas on the background , but I remember it doing what it always does in the front. Due to the pigment mixing in there, some of the colors separated when I painted with them causing a cool gray on one side and a warm gray on the other. Pretty, I guess, but unnecessary maybe.
This is supposed to look old—like an old movie. She’s an older actress and by the time of the character events, she’s old and in her seventies. So, I was trying to make the picture blurry on the face to remove “imperfections” and make it look like it’s outside. However, since I didn’t plan it, it wasn’t obvious. You can’t see the character she’s singing to or what she’s doing. The composition of my painting is a bit boring.
The song I listened to, and my character’s song is completely different, even in sound. Though, I do like how the film’s music sounds, I’m not sure if I have the music ability to learn how to do that.
Here’s some of my music. ☺️ This piece is not finished. It takes me a while to write music with my schedule and as well, it’s a process. 🙂
Those who know you wonder if you hate them. If you Hated yourself completely. Where was your autonomy? Born to look kissed by the sun, Your skin looked soft. Delicate. You were afraid, but you felt your Family always had your back…
Yet, you turned away. Not out of hate. Not out of embarrassment. You turned for passion and for people to enjoy that passion.
They changed your shell which your soul remained and tried to change your insides—impossible. You, sun baby, are strong even when you turned to the sun. Now there’s two of you. Two souls fighting to stay consciousness. One, a sun baby—the other, the courageous sun.
You are not twins, nor opposites, together as one. One made by their creator—Nini and the other created by the servants of Bamy. Be not confused, be not scared. You live now in complexity. As the complex, courageous sun baby.
I’ll post about this character when I draw the other ones. He’s a celebrity actor and not a main and some of the main characters enjoy the movies he’s in.
It’s very irritating sitting around and hearing people talk about traditional art like it’s some god send and digital and other forms of art are soulless and trash. Stop. I understand that’s it’s in good faith and you’re stating your connection and you are entitled to your opinion, but sometimes the things you do have repercussions. *Art* has been historically used as many different things, but in the society I’m in and most of Western society, it has been used as a status tool. Frequently, we don’t understand how a lot of art is private and many traditional art is highly expensive and hard to access. It has always been this way, museums weren’t created to show art until the 20th century… Mostly because art in western society isn’t for everyone.
There are art movements that catered towards people but those mostly were brainwash from the church (Renaissance art mostly is control art and highly religious until the 16th century in certain areas) or controlling devices for propaganda. Sure, you got newspaper articles or little advertisements, but you weren’t going to see fine art. Fine art is differentiated from commercial and decorative art by its psychological worth or how it represents all of society (which is stupid to me, but might be cool with you) or just an idea. It is usually very expensive due to the commissioner or the amount of effort put into it.
If there weren’t other forms of seeing art other than the physical reality, many people wouldn’t be artists—yet, people have a lot to talk about what is real art, good art, worthy and so on. It’s not helpful. Can you afford a $100 painting or a $25 print? What about a $1000 painting or a $25 print? Do you not respect an artist’s effort because they did something to you that revoked the soul and your idea of connection? Well, some people do and when it comes to plausibility, anything that sounds plausible could be true. If you tell someone the soul is lost a piece because it’s not in a style or medium you want, they could spread that idea all around the place. Nobody should say traditional art is passé as nobody should say digital art is robot garbage because people believe that and affect someone else. Ideas move and move. Ever consider where your ideas come from?
Yes, digital isn’t material, but a lot of things aren’t. Ideas aren’t material. Happiness isn’t material. The concept of the art object is not material.
I can’t remember if it was in a book or somewhere else, but my professor in a class said that a lot of artists hate studying criticism because a theory could invalidate them.
It’s interesting how many people complain about human nature and the cold, insensitiveness of the internet yet when they hear someone is showing emotions they get cynical and insensitive and tell them to stop feeling so sensitive. I’m sensitive. This whole post is a case of sensitivity. I’m mostly a traditional artist. I don’t do realism, I don’t do abstraction. I don’t have art that sells easily and is easily avoided and I don’t make art for galleries. I am an illustrator to an extent. However, it’s annoying that people don’t like other options and actually look down on them. I can understand lacking a connection; I’ve seen people not care about classical music or other things, but I will draw the line with disrespect.
I don’t care about AI. If I put effort into a piece, I would get upset if someone called it trash because I used what I had.
And oh, don’t get me started on the irritating debate on art styles.
Having opinion is fine, but dang. I have to sit in art classes forced to do realism and academia or no representative non objective abstraction because someone lucky had an opinion that to make a standard and add most people licked their balls and acted like what they said was king and everyone else could kick rocks.
Anyway, thank you for listening to my rant, here’s a picture.
As the day goes on, sometimes it’s very hard to draw so I’ll just show y’all some old pictures.
I know that people can look anyway they want and can do anything they want, but this art looks very white even though some of the characters aren’t white. If not, majority of them are Black or some type of Black mixture, however, I’m not sure how much of that is transferable. As well, the anatomy is … very dreadful. I love the character qualities, but if I’m not sure why I drew the characters looking so tiny.
I took a class in college called figure drawing. I’m not sure if it actually helped my art or I learned on my own while using the stuff brought up in class. Couldn’t tell you. The class happened during the pandemic, but my art looks different now.
I really like drawing faces only, but some people don’t find that interesting so I have to keep on drawing over and over until I can get decent anatomy. It really sucks knowing that I draw a lot, but not often and not anything finished. I can cope.