Some things are great,
Some things are bad.
I know you’re glad,
you seal my fate.
My heart beats; my stomach moves,
I look at you,
I feel nervous and drool
As I feel your grooves.
I run for miles to be close to you, you see.
I get so anxious being away.
I think about how you sway,
When I first lie on you; then I dream.
And what you are?
It is obvious.
Mumumum has no explanation of its existence, but it began to exist a long time ago in a sky cradle in a nursery. So, Mumumum may have known previously that it wanted to do…but it made its little soldiers.
The first little solider it crafted took some time…but how much time? We don’t know. It was crafted from very hot liquidy fire soup. Mumumum gave it some of the fire broth from its birth. It stirred over and over and over until it pulled out a tiny bubble that was smaller than Mumumum’s pinky finger. The bubble screamed as it first came into the universe. Mumumum gave it a coat. The coat was there to protect the heart of the little soldier.
This little solider asked for more friends to help it guard and Mumumum was on it. Mumumum crafted many more until it got the bright idea to make the inners of the solider much, much more powerful. It added two bubbles that would never be apart. These two soldiers together were not only very light in weight, but were very effective in making the liquidy fire soup hotter. Their coat was very cute, but Mumumum had to make it a bit thicker and give them a more individual coat to keep the two safe.
Mumumum enjoyed the process.
Ok, but how did we get here?
Be patient, older one. The story just got started.
I’m going to gush
Anyway, I could lament about how this painting looks failed right now…but why?!☺️ I rather gush about mixed media.
I’ve never been much of a traditionalist when it comes to art, so particular notions mean nothing to me. People could guilt me for hours and I’ll feel bad, but I’d never change. Colored pencil and acrylic paint have improved my paintings and allowed me to do what I wanted to. Don’t get me wrong, I still love love love my watercolors, but other tools prevent me from giving up.
So, I love colored pencils so much because they are still somewhat very transparent, but still have the ability to layer over things in a way that makes the painting look interesting. So, I can show you two paintings that were fixed by colored pencils.
The thing about watercolors is that sometimes it’s very difficult to layer and get soft edges when you’re a beginner and using cheap paper, so left chick was looking dull with a bunch blossoms on her face making it hard to see her details. She’s quite dark skinned so capturing light without making her greasy was a struggle! Something something lighting something ambient occlusion. It is a study on how to draw people in environments. Still suck at backgrounds though.
How my paintings (watercolor) look raw
Just colored pencil
Acrylic Gouache, Watered down gouache, and the happs.
About that one character. If any of y’all had the experience of being with Evangelist groups as a child, knows how intense they can get and how they emotionally corner you sometimes to donate and/or do things that you may not want to do. This is also like Catholic Baroque art to people living in that time. It is intense. So intense, you might as well say you’re not thinking straight. Fascinating stuff. If anyone has some non-Evangelicalist experiences, do share. I’d love to know.
It was nice talking to you. I hope you stay healthy and hydrated. ☺️
“When” is the question,
that many ask when asking for the next best thing
or the end of the worst.
When will I be able to draw bodies correctly?
When will I have the courage to attempt bodies,
instead of sitting with my book drawing busts?
When will this fear be over?!
When will I practice anatomy?
When will I complete my conlangs?
When will I put a story together?
These are only in my control.
I control when.
Drawing is not enough. Practicing other things are great, but they’re tiring or embarrassing…extremely embarrassing. It is extremely hard to post content that looks bad as it is extremely hard to take time on a picture that looks like absolute trash. By no means am I trying to achieve perfection, I’m trying to achieve completion or at least do something well enough that I don’t see immediate mistakes when I do it or it doesn’t make me stop too early.
I’ll show you some stuff that has me like that.
S is playing a Jinhi hunter and Damijo is playing the “evil” Jinhi. It’s somewhat early in Damijo’s acting career and he’s a horrible but cute acting character (he can act, he just doesn’t really fit in with the vibe and was placed there for nefarious reasons not of his own doing). Anyway, of the two scenes, a scene before makes S feel really bad for Damijo to the point that instead of drawing his sword (that I poorly drew), he drops it and walks to the Jinhi (again, played by Damijo) and nuzzles him.
S has a reputation of being sarcastic, brave, heroic, and insensitive (because it’s their culture to mimic soullessness or basically lack emotions because emotions are bad to them). Meanwhile, Damijo’s reputation is the opposite. He’s very sensitive, ditzy, silly, and humorous because he looks stupid to people and has a strange sounding voice. S basically feels bad for the in story character and also for Damijo and cracks into his inner suppressed self, Solisi.
S was born in the same small community— Sholi—as Damijo, but instead of being a Jinhi like Damijo, he is a Sol Solio. He, however, had a very different life then Damijo and was raised moderate poverty and lacked a citizenship to Bamygdala. He was scouted out by these people looking for an actor. He fit the idea when he acted, but his appearance and his demeanor was unfit. He is naturally timid, anxious, shy, and very emotional and will cry easily. They worked on him with that, but they also gave S plastic surgery to look more of the idea for Northern Bamy people, they were trying to push and made him bleach his skin and hair.
As sensitive as he is, it gave him an identity crisis and made him slightly dissociate. He sees himself as Solisi as his own, but S wants to take over his body and fight him. S is almost always referred to as the Almighty S, and even Solisi will call him that. Solisi refers to himself as himself and refers to S as someone else even though they share the same body and think similarly but differently. Solisi is very traumatized of all the chaos in his life and that’s one of the many ways he handles it (until he gets therapy).
Anyway, Solisi comes out of S in this scene and decides to not to harm the Jinhi. The director thought it was okay because it promoted a message he wanted. (That it was socially okay for citizens to buy a spouse that’s from one of the indigenous groups nearby.) Though, S’s mindset of doing that wasn’t out of romance. It was more out of frustration.
Anyway, this was a lot to write. I was a bit hesitant to write it, because it could be spoilers…but you know…👉👈. This comic or even storyline is unlikely to take off at the rate I’m going so I thought it would be more worth my time to just say it and move on and show you my oh so lovely art. (Not sarcasm, I do actually think my art is lovely.)🤷🏾It was nice talking to you. Have a nice day or night and make sure to stay hydrated.☺️
Story for y’all
Y’all, I’m feeling stressed out and today, so I’m going to post, but I’ll just give y’all a written out story. Hope you like it, I’m an visual artist before a literati or a writer.😣
As well, some of the stuff here is cultural specific and language specific and since I’m monolingual and unable to speak anything other than English, I will just use English to express their language. Bear with me.
(As well, how my character’s talk is how they talk, I do not talk like this. Thank you.😉)
Tatmtar and Ankweda are sitting together on the couch. Tatmtar is sitting with herbal on their hand and thinking about absolutely nothing like usual with a movie on. Ankweda is looking around at random objects in Tatmtar’s family home and gets curious. They pick up some things that Tatmtar confiscates and puts back away causing them to get bored and try to chat.
“Hey, Tatm,” Ankweda said feeling anxious to talk. “You invited me over to hang out, but we aren’t talking…so, are we watching stuff on the monitor together or are we talking?”
Tatmtar sighed and flipped their hair and pushed it back behind their ear with a quick movement. They had very dark black hair that in some lighting looked very black the point it broke reality and other times was so black it shined purple.
“Why I got to talk to you for?” Tatmtar asked aggressively. “You can’t just enjoy my company?”
Ankweda rubbed his neck and did an uncomfortable chuckle; he watched Tatmtar sip their tea. Ankweda didn’t want to watch the movie on the monitor and in fact, he didn’t like Tatmtar’s choices much and thought they had poor taste in films.
“Tatmtar, I enjoy your company a lot,” Ankweda replied, putting his arm around Tatmtar. “But, it would be even better if we talked instead of just sit around. Why don’t we talk about the person on the wall?”
Tatmtar was fuming with anger and frustration. They wanted to watch the movie, not chat! They glared and side-eyed Ankweda. They thought Ankweda rambled too much about nothing and just wanted to be near them without talking.
They groaned and rolled their eyes again and put their tea on the floor and pouted.
“Damn, boy,” Tatmtar fussed. “For what?! I literally don’t want to hear you ramble. I love you and all, dude, but shit…why can’t you just shut the hell up and watch the damn movie?! For fuck’s sake!”
Ankweda felt very uncomfortable and didn’t feel angry but he was mildly scared. Tatmtar ignored them and pouted. Ankweda sighed and sat closer to them and just glanced on the monitor for a second and laid his head on Tatmtar’s lap and played games on the monitor on his necklace. He twisted his little, black ringlets with his fingers and thought he’d ask again in a minute.
Standing right there,
looking straight ahead.
Nothing but looking.
Your ears are not aroused, are they?
Your ears are not aroused.
Your eyes mean nothing to you,
Nothing but looking.
No thoughts of taste,
Clutching your chest.
Standing right there.
Looking straight ahead.
Hey, y’all. I have been quite busy. Thank you so much for your patience. I just want to ramble about nothing for a while. Why? I just do. I hope it doesn’t annoy you.
Anyway, I cannot bring myself to write and draw out a huge story because of that fear. Not of failing. It’s the fear to start and not finish. I always have to plan for my own self because of my inability to follow through on things as well as burn out.
For these pictures, I was trying to design clothing designs but also just establish color designs for two very important characters. They are Noshili’s brother and sister. Reqina (/ɾe.qɪ.nə/) is the brother and Pitri (/pɪ.t̪ə.rɨ/) is the sister. Pitri is an equivalent of a queen in the state she lives in. Since she is a Revalan, she has the ability to be around very wealthy people at any given moment. She’s married to the equivalent of a king. In the state she’s from, her family has much of the power since they’re extremely wealthy and are everywhere in politics, religion, and entertainment. I mean, I based them of the Medici family, but you know…there’s tons of very powerful families everywhere that are very corrupt. She is just as corrupt as people in her family.
She loves her husband, but she was quick to marry him at sixteen because she hates her family. Since her mom was a bad drug addict and her father was arrested for beating his wife and kids as well as moving funds around from all the companies he was in, she was fostered and adopted by an Ane-Ne Najigi named Nole/Adane/Zhan that at the time, had a cultural marriage to her uncle. He was cool to her, but she couldn’t help being extremely embarrassed by his abnormal behaviors and strange appearance that she rejected him quite often. She regrets it at times, but she’s a stickler on her beliefs and refuses to change them for anyone, including family. She only has a good relationship with Reqina. She doesn’t consider Noshili/Tatmtar a real sibling since they have a different biological father (NOTE HERE: This is a character, this is not my belief. I like to make characters with different personalities, it, however, doesn’t mean I share any of their beliefs) and that they look very different (they all have similar features, Tatmtar just has darker skin and a bit different features) to her idea of family—as well, their existence ruined her mom’s marriage. She never bullies them or attacks them, she just calls them what she seems fit.
Her best traits are that she’s very close to her husband and is his crutch when he’s stressed and they both do similar roles in the family of helping and guiding their children.
They are the same age too—I hope mentioning her age doesn’t make y’all think she married an old man. She didn’t. He’s the same age as her. As well, in this culture, usually couples that get married that are sixteen years old (which is the age of consent there) have to be the same age and no younger and if they’re older, they have to be seventeen and maybe eighteen—if not, people will look at the relationship as foul and you will get slandered and harrassed or shunned.
The other picture with the red background is a drawing of a character within the Revalan family. Look…y’all…it’s hard capturing the vibe of the character. That’s his vibe. I think I will draw him again to how he actually appears when feigning stability or actually is stable. I was mostly working on facial features and drawings and being consistent with family member faces. All members that are related to Damijo biologically have very similar eyes to him and rarely deviate from that (of course, there’s exceptions). I didn’t capture that look very well, but I tried very hard. I literally forgot how I described him in my notes so if he looks drastically different next time you see him, then he looks drastically different. I like going off of what I describe characters as to keep it consistent. Usually when I like the design, the notes don’t matter. This design is a great start.
Anyway, nice seeing y’all. Thank you so much for following.
When you paint,
Do you dream? Do you create?
is this your reality? What you see?
I love your art,
They look like refrigerators.
I love most Mannerism art, but yours is the best.
I appreciate your creativity.
And who is this?
Is this your beliefs?
I’ll never know, but I love the energy.
I literally have no content for y’all but I want to post so I’ll find something.
you knew how you should treat people,
under two gods—one going extinct and the other flourishing.
You have a heart that’s like a puzzle piece—NO! Not a puzzle piece, a sandbox.
Or a river connected to an ocean that cannot handle what comes in and out.
Porous mind, weak internal, strong external. Permeating consciousness.
Your childhood god is the same as your adulthood.
Your birth culture was your reality,
You’re learning, taking away, taking in.
No longer bound to a culture.
Soft complexity, take care of yourself.
Cry it off and move on.
Do you know where you are?
Nobody can read your thoughts,
Understand your messages.
You can talk as fancy or as uncouth as you want.
You are incomprehensible.
It causes you to wonder your place,
where you should truly be.
What you should truly be,
Who you should truly be.
Forge your own.
You have a multitude of realities,
Let yourself sink into the ocean.
That may be your comfort, your hospice, your refuge.
It’ll light your way. (;
Author’s Note: This isn’t about suicide. At all.😭 Just to clear it up.
This content may be triggering to people with dead loved ones or issues with reality. Please take care of yourself and avoid this post. I don’t mind you avoiding this.
Here’s a picture if you want to see one. Have a nice one.👁️👁️
There was a tale, the tale of two people who lived a life. A very complex one that only got more complex as they went along.
A man, who wanted a perfect wife—he was lonely after divorcing his other wife. He prayed to the ________ to see if ___ would grant him a perfect wife. One that was happy all the time.
A woman who believed she was ugly and worthless wanted to be the epitome of beauty and wanted to be perfect for her lover. She prayed to the _____ to see if ___ would grant her a perfect life.
Their souls were stripped from the planet and smacked into a state of bliss…maybe?
—to be continued—