I’m still creating my palette and it’s quite fun. I enjoy combining color combinations and patterns together. I’ve always liked patterns even though, funnily, I like abstraction too.
Selling stuff isn’t really fun to me (in this part of my life) but I do like doing diet science experiments like palette creating and testing. Where are the careers where you do stuff like that? Like making palettes and mixing them and showing pictures? I’m not sure I’d get paid for it. Maybe I should try instagram for that.(🤢😭) I want to experiment with that.
I wanted to get into handmade watercolor selling, but I want to make videos and content showing my expertise! But, really, I would like my art abilities to shine through.
So, I was thinking hard that I really really wanted to be one of those artists with the affiliate links so they can buy more art supplies but then I realized (and remembered) that I don’t post art that often or really often as I like and I’m not a review channel.
It’s a bit hard for me to find review accounts on WordPress, typically I see them on other sites or on YouTube. I’ve been fighting myself to stop being a coward and just post on there.
I’d probably post videos of stuff I do on here, but sheesh. The set up for watercolor videos seems so difficult, y’all! I don’t typically like talking on videos and already have ways of getting across that, but it’s the camera set up. It has to be directly over my head. I cannot find a iPhone holder thingy to hold it up.
You might just say, “get any of them, it’s not that deep. You can show your face on it a bit and have it in a different angle. What you do is what you do.” But NAW. It’s not about professionalism or anything. I don’t want my face plastered everywhere. My account isn’t about my body or my face, it’s about my mind and how my mind contributes to my art. If I have my fat head on there or if I show more than enough, y’all might get a bit muddied how to perceive me.
I rather prefer to show my hands at most. Which, was a struggle at the get go because 😩 I’ve been bullied on the internet quite often for being visibly Black. I’m somewhere on the cyberspace unintentionally and people have made it hard. They don’t listen sometimes to what I’m saying and more about my race, say slurs, or strange things that irritate me. This doesn’t embarrass me, but I’m pretty domineering and I want to be listened to.
I also look very feminine and to someone who isn’t aware, they will perceive me as my sex instead of the gender I go by and will see my pronouns and ignore them. I’ve never claimed to be a man or anything, but I’m not putting my face and my voice up on there.
I’ve gotten sexism and racism on the internet. I’m sure a lot of people have, but it’s still, not the reason. I don’t mind putting my face up on there, but I seriously don’t want y’all being muddied about me or being confused.
ANYWHO, I am making a Renaissance and Baroque watercolor palette. It’s not built on any science and is “heavily researched” but still not going to be based on those collective centuries alone.
“Why?” you may ask
Because, it’s not made in the Renaissance or Baroque period. It’s just taken off a computer and mixed in a way I want. As well, it has my sensibilities. I am postmodern and dare I claim, apart of a pretty late version. Even if I make a modern painting from the sixties, it won’t be from the sixties and has my personality, my experiences, my ideas, and my mindset on it.
I like looking at old art because a lot of it is so strange looking and I find it strange why some of them are so wonky, stiff, stale, but are worshipped. I also find it unfair how the expectations of artists have shifted so much, but I do like it. I love a lot of artists (except Caravaggio…I admire his talents and inspiring some of the artists I like, but his art is 🤢 and makes me uncomfortable. I also don’t like Donatello for making that David statute…🤢🤢🤢 I don’t care if people say what it’s supposed to be or a different time, I just don’t like it. I don’t appreciate it—sue me—and I find myself aging biologically when I see it.)
I used this website called Colourlex to collect “accurate information,” the hue and shades, and what artists used what.
Call me special or whatever, but I’m STRUGGLING to convince myself to use paints that have Lead, Arsenic, and Mercury in them. I’m just really afraid of the toxins and accidentally poisoning my family. Ironically, I use Nickel, Zinc, Cadmiums, Chromiums Titaniums, and Cobalts in my paints.
If anyone is aware, columns on the periodic table consists of families with very similar structures and qualities. For example, if you know how oxygen works, then you can get a meh idea how sulfur and silicon work underneath. Cadmium is apart of the Zinc family, below Cadmium is Mercury. The element I’m afraid of.
The thing about all of these is that they’re not rocks or the actual heavy metal alone, but precipitates of scientific compounds and they’re very, very watered down. Pigments do not have large amounts of chemicals in them. Paints really don’t. For example, the paint with arsenic in it—Orpiment—also has sulfur in it. (It’s formula is extremely funny, but that’s because I’m childish😈) Ultramarine Blue also has sulfur in it. I do not know it’s formula. Sorry!
This prevents it sometimes from being as less toxic or as more toxic. There’s just no way I can convince myself to use lead…Arsenic, maybe, but not Lead. I just can’t…and it’s sooo unfortunate because Lead paints are so beautiful. I just don’t have my own studio. I sit in my house in an open area. I can’t do it.🥴
It’s some of the reason why I’m scared to touch batteries (don’t make fun of me) or use paint thinner.
IRONICALLY, I’m always on my phone and they have lanthanide families and actinide families and some of those aren’t even naturally occurring.
Anywho, I’ll show you what I have now.
All I’m missing is Lapis Lazuli, Azurite, Lead White, and a couple of other touches. I also am adding my ochres in. I have actual ochres. They’re toxic because they consist of Irons and free radicals, but that won’t stop me because I’m unaware. I don’t think I’m going to add Vivianite on this palette because it’s not gonna work.🤷🏾
Lastly, my other fact websites I looked at are Handprint (which is mostly outdated, but I’d love to have an account as interesting as Bruce MacEvoy), Natural Pigments (my weakness), and Webexhibits who is probably inaccurate or outdated but fun.
If you’re interested in watercolors or just paint in general. Tell me. I wanna know what kind of palettes you like or find interesting.☺️ Even if it’s observing someone’s painting. I like the palette of Raphael (the Renaissance artist and not the teenage mutant ninja turtle.😂)
Anyway, that was a lot to write. Any chemists that see this and know if anything I said was inaccurate, let me know the comments. Otherwise, thank you for talking to me. Stay healthy and hydrated and safe.
My arm seems to be obsessed with my suffering. I cannot draw recently. On one note, it’s great to be alive but on the other, I’m in excruciating pain at random times. It’s my fault. I haven’t been really taking care of myself.
I haven’t really gotten my goals together and I’ve had a stupid amount of anxiety and lack of motivation and inspiration. Just a week ago, I was having anxiety preventing me from sleeping. I hate when it happens. It might have to do with my blood sugars or something irritating.
I can’t really think of anything creative, I can’t do anything creative. I don’t want to do anything creative. Some of it is probably because of not touching actual grass in a while.
It just feels like there’s nothing that I can do. Like a mysterious weight on my body. It’s hard to cry, it’s hard to be angry. It’s not fun to laugh and play around, but it’s not serious enough. I feel lonely constantly but when I’m around people I get irritated quicker.
If I told my younger self that I was going to be a minor recluse and sit in my house, unsociable to everyone, and isolate myself, she’d be a bit upset, but she’d believe it and kind of would find me cool for being a loser like this. In fact, to separate myself with my past would be absurd. Originally, I chose to draw over playing games with people, stayed home and drew lousy OCs, did other stuff but wouldn’t contribute much, or brought something to draw with.
I don’t really socialize with anyone in reality.
I think even without cellphones I would struggle. I just don’t have a personality people like and I’m not funny or good looking.
Anyway, thank you for talking to me. Stay safe, healthy, and hydrated!
The uncertainty of being sure I’m alive is hard for me. Just like the awareness of dreams. I cannot process if my dreams are real and I’m the dream and the opposing.
My feelings are overwhelming, I don’t understand you. I hear all the words that you say and disagree.
I am not you. I can’t be you. We aren’t the same. We can’t switch, that’s not possible. Even if I were like you.
My sensitivity has made me like one of you, but I’m not you. I don’t feel like you. I can’t process like you, only record what you say back to yourself.
Words are so confusing, my nuance means nothing.
I am constantly seen as looking down on you when I never thought I showed any level of security. I don’t have the security. If you listened to me, You know I never had the confidence.
You instilled that. You made me your enemy. I don’t have any friends nor am I thought to make any real relationships, Especially based on my hobbies, and you want me to be the enemy?
There’s nothing in this world that will ever satiate the answer why I am here, And why am I exactly like you but not enough.
Why I didn’t deserve to be treated even mediocrely like you. Why I even like you…
I want to write cosmic horror and psychological thrillers, but other than writing what I know, I cannot tell what I wrote was what I want or distinguish if it’s of quality.
Is something of quality and worth pursuing if I like it? Or, is something of quality if others do? What goals do I figure out?
I was watching gameplay for the game Dredge and it’s really the only reading and traditionally experiencing a plot that I’ve experienced in a while.
I liked it. I don’t know a single thing about the sea, but when I was around 17-19, I used to really like nautical themes, sea and ocean themes, and pirates. I cannot write a single story like that so to see that someone wrote something that seems like it already seems like a thing and put it into a very engaging story is fascinating to me.
The sea has the same exact uncertainty in it as “space.” Making world building types that explore content like that are fun, but I struggle very hard. I don’t know how to do exercises. I don’t know how to actually write. One day, I’m going to write a link on here with my writing style so you can see exactly how I write. It’d be so telling.
Anyway, thank you for talking to me. Stay healthy and hydrated (I wish I was)
Y’all! I just got new paints. It’s gouache this time. It is a very opaque watercolor (to an extent). Historically, traditional gouache had white chalk added to it. I would love to show pictures, but you can find them on Google Arts and Culture.
Nowadays, gouache is densely packed pigment and binder with pigments that are more opaque. Typically this binder is gum Arabic and something to help it from molding in a tube. My watercolors I made at home are varieties of opacities, but typically are semi opaque and opaque.
The gouache I received was a Holbein gouache set with a twelve colors. It is majority of the colors in the conventional rainbow but very, very…bright. In fact, they’re too bright for me. Aggressively bright. I normally don’t like bright colors in my art even though I either wear neon colors or heavily saturated shirts. 😂
The thing is, they’re a great investment. I like how they work even though I’m trash at them for right now because it’ll make me have more depth into my style. They’re absolutely delightful after the swatches and the failed painting I will mention later. (it’s not failed, I just don’t like it and have to paint over it with a different medium like acrylic gouache (which is thin, but chunky acrylics that can be easily watered down. Their binder is a polymer instead of gum Arabic. Gum Arabic is rewettable or soluble, but acrylic polymer, once it dries, it’s dry. It is not rewettable. Anyway, this painting still has potential.)
Holbein has a ton of pigments on here that aren’t very lightfast and some aren’t single pigments either, but it doesn’t mean that they’re bad. They just aren’t single pigments. I refused to thin them down because I’m hardheaded and tried to paint and it looked too rendered and greasy. Personally, I don’t like greasy art. As well, I am not used to this level of opacity! I love opacity, but I was shocked because these were thick, rewet thick, and went down thick and got stuck in my synthetic brushes. I didn’t like that. It made the picture muddy.
Anywho, the upset part was drawing a character that I did with Holbein’s acryla gouache—aka Vivian. I tried painting him, but the palette was very bright and his skin tone and oil-painting skin tone were hard to replicate and add nuance (or I just suck right now and need to approach this differently. )
As well, I struggled badly with drawing him in the first place. I have no idea how I did his design—he’s based off of faces of very popular and renowned artists of the Renaissance—but I think I might have to change it. It something that I hate doing, but what’s the point if he looks vastly different on each picture…I don’t like that.🥲
I’m mad too because they didn’t have an orange…purple, orange, and greens are my soft spots on my palettes and these reds are weak sauce . If they don’t look like blood or dried blood (not an edgy //_. way, but I love dark reds) I struggle with it.
I want a bright orange though. Bright oranges and yellows are great!😋
Overall, I love the flatness of these gouaches and I can wait to make successful art. Anywho, I will be posting pictures of the failed painting when I get back over to that table. 😬￼ Laugb with me, y’all.
Anywho, I also want to talk about other stuff since I’m here.
I’ve been having bad art days recently because I’ve been pushing myself and also was in interesting health. I’m sorry I haven’t been posting. A lot is going on. I just struggle.
Also, I just wonder if I need to make a change with the way I do things with my art to make it less intimidating and not as mentally exhausting to do. I get scared trying to draw. I struggle with bodies and poses. It’s very hard for me to bodies in general because gender dysphoria and feeling bad makes me jealous of some people’s bodies and other stuff ruin my life.
I also am getting the vibe that my art leans very feminine to y’all and while I’m not going to change that, it does make me wonder about a lot of things about the perception.
It’s like, being in a room and drawing people you understand and leaving that room and people see it differently and while it’s not bad at all, you wonder why and how?
How does someone have a style that is so undeniably feminine? Probably the female gaze. (Not a counter towards the male gaze, the female gaze is mostly nonpolitical 😒and is just about what women—typically heterosexual women want.) Growing up, in a lot of my spaces, unless the person was into anime, they didn’t draw men that often. They’d draw girls. I had male ocs that I liked drawing and enjoyed, but guess what?
They’re all visible to outsiders as women. Undeniably. They don’t look masculine at all. Even when I try, it just isn’t as fun and people have a lot more to say when it’s not manly enough than everyone looking the same.
Anywho, thank you for talking to me. I appreciate it. Stay healthy and hydrated.
An object, that doesn’t belong to a child, is misplaced. Never supposed to be there. Played in a shape sorter. All the shapes are pretty colors. Many of them don’t fit into the box, but there are certain types who fit in the box.
A couple of them aren’t shaped like anything, yet the very eager child shoves the shapes in.
I was trying at this time to be as experimental and interesting as possible and I can say these certainly are that. It’s easier to make swatches and okay art alone without people bothering me when I’m at home and not showing anyone, but when I do, it’s awful. It’s really hard to put art on social media. I take myself seriously and also not enough. Some words that don’t stress others out, stress me out and I can’t deal with them well.
Overall, I feel like I need some change in my life. [But not specifically my life, but drawing and painting] It’s been mentally exhausting trying to find the energy to draw a legit amazing picture in my classes of my ocs. Either it doesn’t look good enough, or it looks fine and my professors don’t think they’re good. It’s kinda like an unnecessary fighting.
I don’t know how worth it it is to post “art” on my account when I don’t really want it as a career and I just want to show it for attention and validation. After thinking about those things and therapy, having a social media account—even WordPress—is pretty much useless for me because then I’m going to want more attention and validation. I don’t want to become a reviews blog and I don’t know what else to write about. I don’t want ever get rid of this blog or abandon it, but I seriously don’t know what to do with it.
It’s a lot mentally to write stories on here and I don’t want to really write about my life because I’m not comfortable posting about myself. I just really don’t want to post garbage or just disappear and I don’t really know what’s going on with me. I know some of my personality is hidden on here so I won’t look terrible.
It’s only been a few months since I made this and I know I’m overreacting but I just don’t know what to do.😩
This is what you can call your friend, Hanzo! Hi. How are you? I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Probably much more than the average human.
I’ve been thinking of your origins and what you have told me. I’m sorry I called you strange and denied your personhood. That was rude. I guess, I was feeling uncomfortable.
So, you say you were…born to replicate another dead artist’s work? I never understood that. I mean, you are a robot, but still, what? I mean, I did research on your artist of reference and I mean…yes, he did do paintings that were popular at the time, but it doesn’t make any sense. You were born to mimic his style while his style isn’t really original? I mean, yeah, he’s old, dead, and revered and if I ever stupidly went to your congregational meetings, I’d have to know him…but, his style is similar to half of the artists at the time…so?
You said your dad and your mom, who are your creator and programmer, really love this…artist. Do you? Do you actually enjoy mimicking him? You didn’t sound happy when I attacked your “intelligence”, his memories in you, and your devotion to him. You didn’t even sound happy to have completed your goals. You don’t seem happy you can’t change. In fact, you sounded depressed which is surprising for a robot like you. You’re weird.
It sounds somewhat like you want a family, some friends, and a stable life. Why don’t you marry a monitor or a charger? I mean, you would be marrying your own kind and you can finally experience intercourse…uh heh. I’m not going to erase that. That’s embarrassing that I wrote that…ugh. If someone told me I could only get with a ______ person only and then said something offensive like that, I would be offended. I’m sorry.
It’s just that…you’re not a human and it’s hard to accept your personhood. You don’t look like a human, you don’t act like a human, you don’t talk like a human. I mean, I find you interesting, but it’s not because you’re the revered ________, it’s because you think you’re a real human and you’re not. You’re just a robot that is programmed to be like an artist and think you have a soul. Wires are not the same, your CPU is not a brain, you don’t have lungs; I don’t know why your creator decided to give you the ability to mock that. I don’t understand your appeal either. You look human-like, but you’re really creepy. You do have something that of lungs, but it’s not like human lungs.
I don’t understand you. I want to, but I don’t. I know you’re a complex specimen, but you don’t have a soul. Why are you even going to congregation? You don’t have a soul. You can’t be damned or casted astray. You also cannot go with ________…_______ never asked your “father” to create you and deny him or whatever your religion says. You aren’t going anywhere. You exist and you don’t exist. I don’t understand why you were touting that shit to me or invited me to a place that treats you like you’re not more than a prop. You are a PROP. They’re bragging about their futuristic technology to communicate with a venerated figure—not your irrelevant ass. Nobody cares about Vivian. Hell, I can’t even go to your little cult party because even though I’m a human, unlike you, my ancestry makes them believe I’m less than a dog and cannot walk into their building and they wonder why I’m here.
I know you’re probably going to respond back with “your feelings” or whatever, but I don’t think being processed to have real feelings is feelings. You don’t. You’re a “sensitive,” privileged-ass robot that gets to get so much attention and I get none. I don’t like you and I wish you could be damned, because then I’d pray to your _______ to have you placed there when your shit breaks down. Can’t stand your ass.
Anyway, since you’re my only friend, I sent you a painting of yourself when I was talking to you. 🙂 You look like you have much more of a soul on here than real life.
Haha, I forgot to paint your clothes. I was too busy worrying about your face since you criticized my art style and said that I draw too caricature-like. I can do anything you want, but it was an attempt to paint like you. If you send me a critique, I will make like my stereotype and fuck you up. Anyway, send me some art back! ^^
Color atmospheres and environments and glazingwith pencils. Mixed media.
For the most part, these are two different watercolor palettes with two different colored pencil palettes.
THINGS I FOUND OUT:
You’d think this would be common knowledge, but it isn’t. I guess we all have to learn by experiences. I love experiences.
So, the grittier the watercolor, the more likely it would color on gritty. Gum Arabic already dries on very, very tight and has texture when I touch it, but the granules on some are fascinating. I have a watercolor on here that I forgot what it’s called, but I think it’s by Prodigal Sons, one of my favorite handmade watercolor brands. It’s Han Blue (maybe?) and when I color on top with colored pencils, it feels like using sandpaper and I love it sooo much because I wasn’t expecting it.
As well, some other colors have that same scratchy feeling.
Some colors are fine, but still produce a texture so there’s a ring around them and a change of reflection and light that comes off of them. Absolutely stunning.
Now, colored pencils have a similar feel to transparent watercolors so they layer and show the white of the paper or show whatever’s underneath it. Prismacolor isn’t as transparent as Crayola (I used crayola on here) and Faber-Castell Polychromos. Faber-Castell has some opaque colors, but typically they are transparent.
Things I like:
The backwashes! Those look stunning. I avoided coloring over them. Everytime I get them on something like this, I get so happy because they never look the same…however, when on a design I don’t want them at, I get so sensitive and irritable. They’re accidental here because they’re swatches but are beautiful.
I like how different the color pencils look when backgrounds change.
What I don’t like:
The paper. This is a study and not a major art piece, but dang…I liked painting on it, but coloring ACTUALLY SUCKS. It’s no texture so it’s slippery and hard to go light and dark. Also, with experience with this paper, I know it cannot take thick layers of acrylic without screaming uncle and crying. It’s only going to take so much. This paper is not useful for everyone, but it can take light water mediums alright. I enjoy it.
I also just don’t like how I left a space of white for some but then got jacked because I didn’t really think of it that hard. I also wish I left less white around so I can do Josef Albers’ levels of comparison. His studies however were more scientific, mine are just done so I could practice and avoid drawing and coloring characters. 😓
Anyway, thank you for talking to me. Have a great day and make sure to stay healthy and hydrated.
After a while, there were many soldiers. Mumumum put some of them together in an army. Some were very solid when together and were nearly impermeable, but others could fit anywhere and were hard to describe exactly what they are. Mumumum ate some of its soup with the soldiers to make them stronger but after a while, they were done reproducing.
The last soldier was bored. Bored and wanted chaos. This little soldier watched Mumumum was going to make more soup but the little solider knocked it over. Mumumum sighed. It knew it was going to happened and the soldier wouldn’t
This was in my drafts . It was unfinished and I doubt it would’ve ever got finished. So many people on here are amazing and accomplished writers and can make meaningful short stories and have so much energy and passion for them and I write a paragraph and feel exhausted. I still am working on my writing stamina. It was easy when I was a child and it’s easy when I don’t have to post, but it’s hard when I try to make a serious plot more than just:
Kintin and Tirela laid on the bed together staring into each others eyes. Kintin grinnedand gave Tirela a kiss.
“Are you feeling what I’m feeling?” Tirela asked. “Did you feel something?”
I feel like partially it’s taking myself to seriously even though I know my lack of motivation and some depression holding me back. It’s hard getting stuff done when I’m too busy preparing for the worst and feel somewhat like I can’t do something and it’s not going to ever be enough but not trying to give up.
So, this is a picture made about…hmm…two or so years ago. I don’t know when I drew it…but considering that the style looks long and the character has a big nose, I’d say 2020-2021.
It is a picture of Zhan with an ancestral doll that I haven’t created a name for. It is powered by a button and plays music that sounds like a music box (it kind of is but I don’t know).
It is one of the objects an Adis uses to get to their micosi, i.e. dream-state. They press on the music their familial ancestor crafted for them and they appear. (There are other ways, but this is one I drew out). This one is supposed to mimic a figure—that works like an orisha—to sing to bring comfort. It kinda isn’t a doll but that’s what I called it. I guess it would be a sculpture or a music box. 🤷🏾
Anywho, this specific object is made by a distant ancestor (like a many great grandpa) named Hadorinal who passed it down to everyone else in his family and it got to Zhan after the dad stupidly gifted to his mom (because he liked her) not realizing she’d have his spawn.
In the micosi, Zhan usually reads the books prayed in by other family members (the spirits can be given food, books, so on) or he talks to the ancestor, Hadorinal, who I mentioned earlier. He has the ability to speak Adis (due to his father Lupita) so that’s who he talks to and he will talk to him about everything in his life.
Now, that micosi (I’ve painted the colors but not drawn it to look as is) has a very 2D appearance to it and also the characters rock as if they’re in a video game. The composed ancestral music constantly plays over and over (unless the person is intercultural with a culture with a quiet micosi or one that plays for a short while) and the characters, if able, may dance to it. The backgrounds are usually vibrant and have many shapes and have varieties of realism. Some of the characters, like Zhan, draw in the style of their micosi (albeit, not well, because Zhan cannot draw😂) while others don’t so much.
I probably would redesign the figure so it’s easier to draw and as well, make it look more creative (not the original isn’t, it just needs a different form). I think I may change the size too. [I have a bit more knowledge on designs after seeing some African statues, sculptures, and masks, so I have some ideas!]
All these triumphant words Nothing A metaphorical straw Nothing There’s something left Nothing A husk.
Where is your power Nonexistent And it makes you feel Nonexistent You can’t fix what is slapped as your fault Nonexistent You should be ashamed.
And look at you, Null why do you think you deserve things? Null You’re not a human, Null You’re supposed to be dead.
Hey, y’all. I finished my art homework for the next part of the semester but overall, I just wonder what I’m going to do with this blog. I can’t keep taking breaks. I don’t think that’s right, but I’m exhausted with everything. I literally wake up and don’t feel like offering anything to the table and my characters are great but I just don’t feel like sharing them anymore. I’ve lost a lot of passion and drive. It’s like…what’s the point. It’s not even like it’s a story.
It’s just that it’s hard to make something. It’s not like this story is really that complex than any movie you’d see or book, yet, it’s just…exhausting to share to people. I hate to say some people don’t care, but I could just post my art on here with no captions or a long explanation and that’d matter more then if I littered my post with captions and effort.
It’s like how my professor ask why I did something and expect a small one word explanation or an artisty term and go on but when I give a story and my references, they zone out. It’s just…what’s the point?
If my intent is meaningless and everyone else’s are important, why do I need intent or write a long caption? What’s the point? What’s the point of just not doing painting of absolutely nothing or just a women looking at y’all, the viewers? Give your own intent.
What is my purpose of making a blog or existing? What’s the point?
Anyway, I could lament about how this painting looks failed right now…but why?!☺️ I rather gush about mixed media.
I’ve never been much of a traditionalist when it comes to art, so particular notions mean nothing to me. People could guilt me for hours and I’ll feel bad, but I’d never change. Colored pencil and acrylic paint have improved my paintings and allowed me to do what I wanted to. Don’t get me wrong, I still love love love my watercolors, but other tools prevent me from giving up.
So, I love colored pencils so much because they are still somewhat very transparent, but still have the ability to layer over things in a way that makes the painting look interesting. So, I can show you two paintings that were fixed by colored pencils.
The thing about watercolors is that sometimes it’s very difficult to layer and get soft edges when you’re a beginner and using cheap paper, so left chick was looking dull with a bunch blossoms on her face making it hard to see her details. She’s quite dark skinned so capturing light without making her greasy was a struggle! Something something lighting something ambient occlusion. It is a study on how to draw people in environments. Still suck at backgrounds though.
How my paintings (watercolor) look raw
Just colored pencil
Acrylic Gouache, Watered down gouache, and the happs.
About that one character. If any of y’all had the experience of being with Evangelist groups as a child, knows how intense they can get and how they emotionally corner you sometimes to donate and/or do things that you may not want to do. This is also like Catholic Baroque art to people living in that time. It is intense. So intense, you might as well say you’re not thinking straight. Fascinating stuff. If anyone has some non-Evangelicalist experiences, do share. I’d love to know.
It was nice talking to you. I hope you stay healthy and hydrated. ☺️
When? “When” is the question, that many ask when asking for the next best thing or the end of the worst.
I ask, When will I be able to draw bodies correctly? When will I have the courage to attempt bodies, instead of sitting with my book drawing busts? When will this fear be over?! When will I practice anatomy? When will I complete my conlangs? When will I put a story together?
These are only in my control. I control when.
Drawing is not enough. Practicing other things are great, but they’re tiring or embarrassing…extremely embarrassing. It is extremely hard to post content that looks bad as it is extremely hard to take time on a picture that looks like absolute trash. By no means am I trying to achieve perfection, I’m trying to achieve completion or at least do something well enough that I don’t see immediate mistakes when I do it or it doesn’t make me stop too early.
I’ll show you some stuff that has me like that.
S is playing a Jinhi hunter and Damijo is playing the “evil” Jinhi. It’s somewhat early in Damijo’s acting career and he’s a horrible but cute acting character (he can act, he just doesn’t really fit in with the vibe and was placed there for nefarious reasons not of his own doing). Anyway, of the two scenes, a scene before makes S feel really bad for Damijo to the point that instead of drawing his sword (that I poorly drew), he drops it and walks to the Jinhi (again, played by Damijo) and nuzzles him.
S has a reputation of being sarcastic, brave, heroic, and insensitive (because it’s their culture to mimic soullessness or basically lack emotions because emotions are bad to them). Meanwhile, Damijo’s reputation is the opposite. He’s very sensitive, ditzy, silly, and humorous because he looks stupid to people and has a strange sounding voice. S basically feels bad for the in story character and also for Damijo and cracks into his inner suppressed self, Solisi.
S was born in the same small community— Sholi—as Damijo, but instead of being a Jinhi like Damijo, he is a Sol Solio. He, however, had a very different life then Damijo and was raised moderate poverty and lacked a citizenship to Bamygdala. He was scouted out by these people looking for an actor. He fit the idea when he acted, but his appearance and his demeanor was unfit. He is naturally timid, anxious, shy, and very emotional and will cry easily. They worked on him with that, but they also gave S plastic surgery to look more of the idea for Northern Bamy people, they were trying to push and made him bleach his skin and hair.
As sensitive as he is, it gave him an identity crisis and made him slightly dissociate. He sees himself as Solisi as his own, but S wants to take over his body and fight him. S is almost always referred to as the Almighty S, and even Solisi will call him that. Solisi refers to himself as himself and refers to S as someone else even though they share the same body and think similarly but differently. Solisi is very traumatized of all the chaos in his life and that’s one of the many ways he handles it (until he gets therapy).
Anyway, Solisi comes out of S in this scene and decides to not to harm the Jinhi. The director thought it was okay because it promoted a message he wanted. (That it was socially okay for citizens to buy a spouse that’s from one of the indigenous groups nearby.) Though, S’s mindset of doing that wasn’t out of romance. It was more out of frustration.
Anyway, this was a lot to write. I was a bit hesitant to write it, because it could be spoilers…but you know…👉👈. This comic or even storyline is unlikely to take off at the rate I’m going so I thought it would be more worth my time to just say it and move on and show you my oh so lovely art. (Not sarcasm, I do actually think my art is lovely.)🤷🏾It was nice talking to you. Have a nice day or night and make sure to stay hydrated.☺️
I know I said I was going to do interaction pictures but I got the dumb idea to color. I mean, coloring is not bad, but I’m not a fan of coloring. I’ve never been a fan of coloring. When I was younger, it used to embarrass me how everyone colored so neatly and I’d color with lines everywhere going everywhere in different directions. As you can see, I still have a lot of that haphazard lines in my work and clearly struggling with hair.
So anyways, just random tidbits about these characters and how I draw them: (I slip up a lot, but it’s a one-man show)
Nilili, Neloni, and Noshili always have a side part to the right of their hair and have bangs that are all similar.
Neloni and Noshili wear girly and/or feminine clothes. Neloni likes tight clothes and hates certain fabrics and will go into a complete meltdown and take hours to calm down after wearing it. He hates wearing makeup and during his career in acting, he’d wipe his face a lot having to redo shots. He also struggles with nail polish but wears dark blue nail polish (a color his husband likes.) Noshili wears clothes that are considered frumpy and baggy. They will not wear tight clothes because they get uncomfortable seeing their body. They wear any kind of makeup and likes to look facially pretty and will ask Noje to do their makeup.
When Noshili has straightened hair, it’s usually a flowing mane, top knot (at home), or a low bun (when out). They always will have a piece of hair that reverts back in the front of their bang.
When Noshili’s hair is curly, they always wear it slicked down with their bangs pulled back, bun, or braids. (Because they have very tangly hair.
Unlike their brother, their hair shape is an upright triangular like 🔺. They have long, black hair and should always be colored with a yellow or green skin color to contrast the hair. (I color their hair the same color as Noje’s skin. Dark purple.)
Neloni is a natural blond. (I didn’t show Nilili’s first husband and Neloni’s dad because I haven’t drawn him, but he carries those genes, but it isn’t a gene that would cause red hair or other types of blond, most light brown hair.)
Neloni is always drawn with an oval head.
Everyone that shares traits with Neloni and Nilili looks either very stank, sad, or very goofy and dazed.
Nilili has jet-black hair but I didn’t draw it that way because 🤷🏾 didn’t know how.
Nilili has an internal color of red and shares that color with Neloni because they were close when she was alive. Meanwhile, Noshili has an earth green color.
Nilili and Neloni have a gap in their two front teeth, Noshili doesn’t.
Neloni and Nilili tilt slightly while listening to people talk and cannot sit still and will move around, rock, and bounce a lot. Noshili jitters and shakes a lot but will sit quietly and probably will sit in the same spot for hours.
Nilili and Neloni yell extremely loud when they talk and when theyre speaking in Kwadi, they talk very slow and have a drawl, but speaking in Jinhi, they speak rapidly fast and sometimes people think they’re yelling.
They’re also both very ditzy and can be easily swindled and are nice to people, especially family. They got lost easily and are terrified of dogs.
All of them enjoy singing. Noshili was taught how to sing by Neloni. Neloni was taught by Nilili.
Neloni named Noshili after his older sister that was taken from him at six years old. Noshili looks up to Neloni but is skeptical of his personality and advice.
Noshili talks very quietly but if they’re irritated they talk extremely fast and use a lot of expletives and threats.
All of them are very tall and bottom heavy. (Neloni is probably 6’5, Nilili is 6’3, and Noshili is 6’2. I’m horrible at catching heights of characters so I struggle.)
Nilili made sure her second husband promised to take care of Neloni and his half brother Nstaid when she died.
Nilili died on Neloni’s birthday when he was twelve and his father, Neshali died the same day when Neloni was six. Neshali was shot dead in front of him by the military.
Neloni nor Noshili do not celebrate their birthday for different reasons and when asked will have different responses. Neloni will get nervous but say something to take off the mood or won’t leave his room and Noshili will start screaming and will try to fight then get in a crying fit and throw up.
Neloni screams at the same time every morning and runs somewhere and either dry heaves in the bathroom or hides and cries and stopped it when he turned 60.
Noshili is terrified of being alone and in the dark and will cry and latch onto people nearby. If Noshili is yelled at, they will sit either teary-eyed or cry. Neloni will yell back and try to fight. (He hates being yelled at.)
Nilili doesn’t cook very well, but her second husband enjoyed her cooking.
All of them are attached to their hair and if it gets damaged or cut off, they will mentally shut off or declare enemies with whomever cut their hair.
Neloni has been arrested and charged with kidnapping even though he didn’t do it. (😂)
Have a nice day, y’all. Sorry for the filler. I am a hot mess.
Okay, y’all. So, basically, I’m forcing myself out of my funk. As you know from my last blog post written in pure rage. 😬😓 (give me a break, I was reading about stuff to improve my art. Improvement has always been the soul crusher in my life)
I absolutely refuse to write long posts and pages about my concultures. I believe I’d rather like to split them up. It is tedious to write about every single character in a long post only for that post to never be looked at again even if I write about said characters. I have no idea if links work for people! So, I rather just split them up into informationals.
I am trying my hardest to communicate with you all the best way I can, but communication has never been my strong suit. Honesty is great too, but I’m trying to give relevant honesty and not honesty that gets on people’s nerves. I like to pretend I’m a good person, but I doubt I am.
I hate to post more than once per day, but it is what it is. I still have more to post and more to talk about.
Drawing can be rewarding but it’s also something I hide from at times. Sometimes I hide from putting characters out here. I mean, they are as they are.
Anyway, it was nice talking to you. Happy End of February. See you. Make sure to get good rest and stay hydrated and healthy.
A flame was lit, it was lit with a match. Lit so it could keep the group warm. But it was short-lived.
The flame couldn’t keep the two warm, and since it couldn’t, the group froze. They didn’t know what to do anymore.
I don’t know really what to say…I received the big ol burnout. Always at this time of the year for classes. I moved my art supplies closer to me so I can still do them, but the passion is dead.
Because I’m struggling drawing bodies. It doesn’t make me want to stop drawing, it just makes me sad and not want to draw. I don’t have a particular style I’m going for, nor am I going for realism, but they’re just not going how I want. I really want to draw bodies for my characters, but failing is stressing me out. Failing isn’t scary, but it’s disappointing.
As well, it feels so stupid to post time and time because I’m not sure if I’m posting anything of value. I literally cannot bring myself to elaborate more on my ocs. 😔 Not because they’re bad, but I’m an artist and I assume people want to see visual art and not blocks of text. Anytime it’s about a character there’s so much more interactions but I don’t want to keep blasting people with on and on character profiles and no interactions with characters or anything, but I don’t feel like I can draw enough and I bit out more than I can chew. My art style fluctuates in quality too often.
I literally (as I’m not figuratively, literally!) almost had a meltdown over this whole thing. This is out of my comfort zone. Drawing two people together and making them look like they’re apart of the same picture. I know I should do it more, but this picture is exhausting and I got Noje’s dorsal part incorrect. (Should be flipped—that’s my bad)
Both of them look stiff and stale. Feyondo is a pain for me to draw as well. Any time I draw him, I believe a little part of me dies. His design has to look like that though because! It cannot look any other way or that’s not him!
But I know I’m burned out because I’m hiding from doing anything. Even the stuff I love because it looks terrible to me.
The good news with all this is that if you’re turned off by your art, it means you might be improving and gaining insight that you need to change something or study something else, but also take a break.☺️ I’m not going to take a physical break just yet, because I have assignments to do, but I will be taking a break.
I will be taking my disgust with the way I draw bodies and the stiffness of figures (which usually isn’t that much of a problem, I just kinda want them to not be too janky). As well as draw two or more people interacting with each other.😮💨😭