I hate to give up, but I’m tired of feeling like I’m not being heard or anyone cares about my opinion so I just am going to try hard to not give it or really talk to people like that. I don’t think I’m smarter than them, I just feel like I’m rude and offensive.
I’m tired of always feeling like I’m weird. If I’m too bold I’m annoying but if I’m quiet I need to talk more. I don’t want to keep doing that. I think people need to just leave people alone. I was way happier not talking to anyone and contributing to conversations
Anyway, I didn’t have anything prepared and I missed a post day so here we go!
Honestly, I’m struggling to draw well due to depression so I won’t be doing that. I will write randomly.
I sat on my bed, thinking of what happened. The same thoughts over and over; I didn’t cry, I didn’t scream. I looked to my left of my room—all my notebooks laid in a pile…there was so much potential inside of them, many great thoughts and ideas…however, it was nothing. Nothing at all. I looked to my right and saw my assignments that I’ve done that I hated.
Seeing these objects broke me into tears and anger. I pulled out an utility knife and slashed through the canvas until it was sliced to pieces. Small memories of what it was before, leaving only the wood. It was cathartic.
I feel like I’m a very permeable person—every single little comment could offend me, burn me out, affect me in the worst ways. I understand that you’re not supposed to show your weaknesses or say them or be transparent about it because people will hurt you but it’s exhausting being permeable because I don’t know if I’m going to break or I’m just going to get wounded from something and won’t grow.
I’m also a perfectionist that won’t do something if it’s not perfect and will sabotage their grades and embarrass themselves over failure. Some types of compliments like good, cute, alright, and nice will make me upset or even aggressive when it’s just a sweet compliment. Bad critique is true, good critique is false, compliments are lies. It’s terrible here!
(I’m ONLY speaking for myself, but if these apply to you, great!)
I don’t like how that is, but somewhat it’s my nature and I have to work around it. One way is to stop striving for perfection. It’s completely unnecessary and stupid, also means reevaluating goals. A lot of my goals are a reflection of outside people’s ideas of success, worthiness, authority, and the perfect way to live and not only can I not live that way, but it’s actively hurting me. I feel like I’m getting dragged against concrete and scuffing my legs and refusing to stop.
This isn’t even taking the road less traveled, this is straight up figuring out what I actually want to do and developing the confidence to do that sort of thing. It’s exhausting hearing all these voices talking as if they know me and they’re not even nice about it either.
Some days I just want to quit art. It seems like it’s my “talent,” but it’s not. There’s nothing that I’m just good at and even if I was, people likely don’t want see it. I am not in the mood to sell my art, I shouldn’t be putting anything out for attention, and I should focus on my own control.
Anyone else a perfectionist or know anyone like that?
I’ve shared to y’all art that goes in the not what I want but okay area and I’m showing them here.
I know artists and bloggers say to only show your best side and only show your good art, but these are good art, just not completing the goal in my head or lack the line quality, distinguishable features, or essence of my character.
This isn’t a tutorial how to fix anything, more of a rant. I just want to map out things that I do and do not like in my art.
So, I notice that I don’t have any backgrounds at my big age of 22 in my art. It’s absolutely irritating that I have to see my art but there’s no background. Partially it’s because I don’t know how to process a character in a background. People tend to do some mild bullying when a background isn’t present and will say your character is floating randomly in space…
I struggle drawing characters. It’s even more difficult to draw the background and the character in the background. I think it has to do with embarrassment and fear. I’m scared at messing and making something ugly. I don’t care about the ugly until I have to turn things in for a grade.
I have to draw backgrounds or I don’t think the artwork is good. I think I’ve experienced enough.
Another thing is my unwillingness to draw bodies and learn how to draw realistic.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just upset because I have art burnout.
I want to set of goals list to do my art with. I want to with my art.
Draw some characters I have — three to five right now.
Design three character’s worlds (the background and foreground around them and their actions and how they move.
Add words and how they talk to the pictures.
Add more abstraction to characters going through something unexplainable and metaphysical.
Draw more thumbnail sketches and do some color studies.
The character I will be writing about today is Ane Noje. /ɝ̃ nɔ̃.dʒɚ/. She is a character I had for an extremely long time. She was created to be in a story about some explorers/colonizers that came to her island and after a while, stripped her from her island. However, I scrapped the story because I despised it after a while.
Anyway, Noje is her first name, Ane is her surname. It was given through her dad. The most feminine person of the relationship usually gets say if they want their last name chosen, but since she was born a Ne royal (she’s pretty far back and will never be the main royal, she is just royal by proxy unless she leaves, once her uncle dies, her family won’t be royal. I’ll explain on a new post.) she keeps her name.
Noje was born Ane Naahale [nɑ.ɦɑ˞.ʟɚ] in Ne with her twin sibling None. She was named by her father, Ane Nedale [ne˞.da˞.ʟɚ] and her mom, Nadine [nɑ˞.di.nɚ]. She is directly named after her grandparent, Ane Naahale. She is a fantasy species I made up called Najigi [ˈna.dʒeɪ.ɡeɪ]. They are semiaquatic to aquatic humanoid people that can live on land but also may live underwater. Typically they have huge eyes, are extremely tall, pitch dark skin, hair that coils when they go underwater, bioluminescence they can turn on with squeezing in their stomach or rolling their eyes back. She is an An and Ne Najigi that leans towards more Ne.
She is noticeably tall, very dark, and has long, straight hair due to a trait from her grandparent, Naahale’s side. Since she has straight hair, it doesn’t coil all that much when she needs to swim and gets tangled underwater. However, she doesn’t cut it and may wear it in a bun. She has An scarification on her face (nose, cheeks, and neck) and down her body. She chose to get it on her body when she turned 14.
Her grandparents are Nejame and Naahale. Naahale is from An, and Nejame is from Ne. Her father is mixed with An and Ne and her mom is Ne so her Najigi traits lean more towards Ne thus making her into a lot more hot climates, but her body shape is closer to an An Najigi (slightly chubby, longer torso, and smaller eyes). She lost her parents in a tragic boat accident when they were going to An to marry her off to a royal at the age of five and it traumatizes her to this day. She was raised by her grandpa, Nejame, who she has a terrible relationship with.
She moved to Bamygdala when she turned twelve with her two sisters, Nemene and None and her grandpa Nejame. When she moved her name was (the equivalent of christened) changed to Nadina Sini /nɑ.ɖɪˈ.nː ɬɪnɪ/. She doesn’t struggle with language learning but she struggles with respecting people and listening to them talk. She frequently talks passionately and will shout out over someone when they’re talking to her. She also talks extremely loud and moves a lot.
She is a painter and she uses oil paint for her paintings.
Her personality is described as very goofy and ditzy, but nice. She talks very loud (sometimes having the tendency to scream) and animated and has a tendency to talk over people without recognizing that she’s doing it. She’s also a speed talker, if she’s happy she talks fast, if she’s angry she talks extremely fast, if she’s excited she yells and talks fast. If she’s sad, she doesn’t talk at all and if she does talk, it’s small and short words. She is a listener but once she talks, she won’t stop talking.
She loves the color yellow and always manages to put it on and surround herself in colors that are analogous to yellow. She enjoys putting on makeup and different types of clothes of any gender. She is terrified of a lot of terrestrial animals but especially dogs and cats. If someone is nice to her, she’ll have temporary infatuation with them. She also has the tendency to goof around and tease people and has a very flirtatious and sometimes creepy tone to her voice that many people either really like or they find her creepy and weird.
She has very good eye contact when talking and will move her body or will duck to see if you’re listening to her or and if you look at her and do stutters and pauses to make sure you look at her and listen.
Soli [sɔɭĭ] is an Nini worshipping culture. Nini [ˈneɪ.nə̆]is the main deity for a group of religions. It is a series of different subcultures that each have their own ways of practicing the religion.
The birth place of Soli culture is in a place called Sholi [sʰɔ.ɭĭ]. It hosts two known Nini religions, Ini [eɪ.nʰə̆] and Soli. One side of the nation is Nisholi [ˈneɪ.sʰɔ.ɭeɪ] which is Ini and the other is just Sholi. It used to be a bigger established area with more people but the area was colonized and many folks converted, were killed, kidnapped, enslaved, relocated, or other unfortunate things happened. Many former residents went to Ne [ne˞́] or Haden [ˈaɪ.dɪn].
The cultural comes with particular rituals, ritualistic songs, rite of passage, funeral passages, so on.
There are five notable subgroups. They call themselves Ta-Cel [tʃa‿keɭ], Ta-Sol [tʃa‿sɔɭ], Ta-Flur [ta‿fɭɹ], one that’s currently unnamed, and Ne Sole [nè˞‿só˞.ʟe˞]. However, many of those groups live in different places. Ta-Cel and Ta-Sol live in Sholi, Ne-Sole live in Ne, and Ta-Flur live in more northern areas like Foli.
They are commonly referred to an exonym that is pronounced [ɬʌ.ɻe] and the groups are usually called [ɬʌ.ɻɨɮ].
I will update this soon from time to time until it’s finished.
I don’t know why I named it why I did, but it’s my blog.
Anyways, I am twenty-two as of now and I’m Black and somewhere in the nonbinary spectrum. I am an artist foremost, but I have other interests.
I make a variety of characters and draw them out. Here’s some from one story I have. It looks like a lot of characters but there’s only a few that are main. Some of them just look nice so I draw them a lot. I don’t really like character charts but I may post about them. I’m also very lazy.
One thing is that I wrote the characters chosen pronouns or ones they’re okay with. Some of them frequently are misgendered or they may not look like how they appear. Too bad. Characters without a listed pronoun can be called anything—they likely just don’t care about anything.
If you consider this cringy, I’m sorry but you’d probably have a headache with all my content because I’m that ho. And I mean, they are lines on a 2D background and I’m a 3D walking bag of flesh, if you want to be cheeky you can misgender the characters or me but I don’t know what you’d gain out of it.
I may absolve my chronic laziness and post about them. Also, y’all are free to use the names on the pictures. However those are filler names. I supplied y’all with cultural names. I will write about that later.
Have a nice one and stay safe and make sure to take care of yourself.