What did you bring to the potluck?

Studies and experiments

Color atmospheres and environments and glazing with pencils. Mixed media.

These ones are so much more textured and have Renaissance/Baroque palette found by going on a website called Colourlex (the colored pencils are that)

For the most part, these are two different watercolor palettes with two different colored pencil palettes.

THINGS I FOUND OUT:

You’d think this would be common knowledge, but it isn’t. I guess we all have to learn by experiences. I love experiences.

So, the grittier the watercolor, the more likely it would color on gritty. Gum Arabic already dries on very, very tight and has texture when I touch it, but the granules on some are fascinating. I have a watercolor on here that I forgot what it’s called, but I think it’s by Prodigal Sons, one of my favorite handmade watercolor brands. It’s Han Blue (maybe?) and when I color on top with colored pencils, it feels like using sandpaper and I love it sooo much because I wasn’t expecting it.

As well, some other colors have that same scratchy feeling.

Some colors are fine, but still produce a texture so there’s a ring around them and a change of reflection and light that comes off of them. Absolutely stunning.

Now, colored pencils have a similar feel to transparent watercolors so they layer and show the white of the paper or show whatever’s underneath it. Prismacolor isn’t as transparent as Crayola (I used crayola on here) and Faber-Castell Polychromos. Faber-Castell has some opaque colors, but typically they are transparent.

Things I like:

The backwashes! Those look stunning. I avoided coloring over them. Everytime I get them on something like this, I get so happy because they never look the same…however, when on a design I don’t want them at, I get so sensitive and irritable. They’re accidental here because they’re swatches but are beautiful.

I like how different the color pencils look when backgrounds change.

What I don’t like:

The paper. This is a study and not a major art piece, but dang…I liked painting on it, but coloring ACTUALLY SUCKS. It’s no texture so it’s slippery and hard to go light and dark. Also, with experience with this paper, I know it cannot take thick layers of acrylic without screaming uncle and crying. It’s only going to take so much. This paper is not useful for everyone, but it can take light water mediums alright. I enjoy it.

I also just don’t like how I left a space of white for some but then got jacked because I didn’t really think of it that hard. I also wish I left less white around so I can do Josef Albers’ levels of comparison. His studies however were more scientific, mine are just done so I could practice and avoid drawing and coloring characters. 😓

Anyway, thank you for talking to me. Have a great day and make sure to stay healthy and hydrated.

Tags art, color atmosphere, color study, colored pencils, glazing, study, watercolor, watercolor paint

Random Topics rants

Oodles of noodles. Herds of words

Post author By Feets
Post date 18/03/2023
6 Comments on Oodles of noodles. Herds of words

I always wonder what people’s words mean, what they mean in context but I fail to understand them. Sometimes just listening helps, sometimes I ask. Sometimes I just never understand them.

It is like the Tower of Babylon. Some of us know the same language but have different vocabulary and grammar.

Some words are prescribed to others and make their words and little communities escape. Not everyone’s inner language essence can be protected and cared for if it isn’t written down. Communities mix and mingle their community essence and are forgotten.

Words…words like yeet versus thrown aren’t bad. Neither is “cool,” cat, and other slang from the past. They are alive at that moment and are in their golden age. To some, fleek is dead. Poggers or others. But that wasn’t my topic.

It was more on similar words with esoteric meanings and scientific words. Is lack of understanding the reason why they’re separate? Why can’t the loveliness of divination can be combined with science? Why is one more evil than the other in heavily guarded communities? Why do some people make it a personality trait?

I made a goofy little story about atoms, well specifically elements and not atoms, being created/formed in the solar system after the Big Bang….I wanted to mystify it. Why? Because it’s fun. If someone wanted to mystify it, it wouldn’t be bad because it’s still science, no? Or are we all supposed to think the same?

I think some people don’t understand each other or know how fallible “experts” of any field can be and how absolutes are hard to find if they do exist. If you make them exist, you aren’t faithful to looking at things from an objective perspective. I think most people who think they’re objective think they’re objective because they say so. Not because they can prove it. Even then, proof is only proof if you can believe it. That goes to the pseudoscience route. It’s pseudoscience or bull crap because there’s no proof it does as is nor proof against it.

That level of uncertainty makes a couple people go bleak. Somewhat I thrive on it. Uncertainty makes stories and ideas, but at the same time it’s stressful.😩 Is something not realistic because it’s not realistic or something else?

Tags pluralism, poststructuralism, words

rants

Another rant (short)

I just love how some people can stand others ranting and complaining and will listen to them for hours even if it’s sheer aggression and negativity yet, when I rant with slight passion, I really get ignored.

Allegedly older people get ignored with their rants, but I haven’t seen that happening with these people off the internet yet I get straight up ignored. What’s the point?! 😕 I’m tired of it and it’s like, why would I want to hear anything you have to say either.

Times like this really make me feel worthless and alone.

Tags anger, rant, tired

rants

Screw perfection

Being perfect or trying to be hasn’t really helped anyone. It’s a dumb concept and conveniently works with grind culture and other spaces I don’t want to be apart of.

I’m not perfect and I’m not sure if I even want to be anymore. It hasn’t helped me in the past and worked against my confidence. Some things just don’t work for me. I understand some people are okay with things in life and it makes them feel important and they’re amazing, but I’m not cool with a lot of things and they don’t improve my life.

I used to be so upset in school when I used to be called smart and intelligent but I still had to study and it seemed like other people did. I didn’t want to study. I didn’t even like the material! I didn’t enjoy school until I got into eleventh grade because it was more interesting then. I wanted to just be smart. I wanted everyone to keep calling me smart. I didn’t and still don’t feel smart, but I know now it’s just a meaningless label like being lazy, cool, stupid, or mature. I was called mature when I was younger because I didn’t talk, yet I cried every year at school and had some immature issue going on at home. I’m not mature. I still am not mature. I “think differently” than some people but I’m not mature nor am I special. In the classrooms that I’ve been, I’m not that well liked or even cared about. I was never put into special groups and when they’d tell me they like me, I knew they were lying. I didn’t even do my homework, I just talk a lot and want people to hear me.

Anywho, perfectionism was the reason why I didn’t do my homework. It was never advanced enough, never good enough, never worth showing, and if I did it, it was never going to be perfect. I use that annoying site Duolingo and frequently tell myself it’s okay to get less than a 100%. Nobody is watching me and the little characters still get happy when I get an 86% or less. Yet, I don’t feel smart enough. I didn’t try in school because trying and receiving failure was stressful.

I was never an A student. I never had amazing grades. I’ve always been average and always somehow got ok grades. I didn’t and still didn’t read a lot after I peaked at six. So I mean, my perfectionism is nonsensical, but it just so happens that it gets worse.

I can’t do that crap at college. Getting low grades literally make me feel dead inside and like I’m worthless, wasting my mom’s time and money, and I’d be better off dead. It literally is that bad. I hate school but I can’t drop out. I want to learn, but graduation is the only option. My life would be worthless and I’d be a bad person if I drop out. Do I think other people are that way if they drop out? No. Honestly, it’s so exhausting for me to be myself that I can only make comparisons with people in my spaces.

I am a lazy piece of crap. Some people who drop out have classically successful lives I can’t dream of having because they have drive and doesn’t matter if they were in school or not. They have something about them that makes them want to do something. I don’t. I don’t have that skill and I’m not even sure I care enough nor have faith to change it. I cannot see myself in the future really. I can make dreams and think of them but I don’t actually see them as reality nor care about things. I feel in the moment. I have ideas and plans I do in the moment, but when I make goals, sometimes they feel meaningless or not worth achieving.

And I constantly make goals. Regardless how elaborate they are to poorly planned, they don’t really work out as planned. They’re done halfway or are changed and some of those plans are okay. Majority don’t impact my life in an irreversible way, but they keep me average, forgettable, and boring.

It’s like the condescending thing a lot of older people say where there’s an idiot that’s in an obstacle course and instead of thinking of new ways to get over the brick wall, the idiot just keeps hitting the wall with a hammer and getting tired but nothing changes.

And what makes it worse is that I listen to people and their ideas of success—some that aren’t for me but I’m permeable and people can say stuff and I’ll consider it—and I never feel successful. I don’t care if I graduated high school. I don’t care if other people didn’t. I didn’t do things the way I wanted and didn’t graduate in the way that would make me smart or even competitive. I punish myself when my GPA drops. I didn’t in high school even though I should’ve.

I wanted to be those kids that studied for a long time and had no friends. I had no friends. I did the unthinkable and tried making internet friends and failed. If I could be a hermit closed off of the world or single souled (to only be happy/content) and successful, I wouldn’t have to think about my success.

That’s exactly why I just don’t like perfectionism. I don’t like being like that. I don’t like caring about people and doing what they want. I can’t help it. I can’t help wanting attention and appreciation. I just do.

Anyway, see you in a bit.☺️ I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Tags anger, anxiety, depression, frustration, introspection, mental health, perfectionism, perfectionist, rant, stress, unhealthy and unhelpful

artwork Crafting paints

COLORS AND COLORS AND COLORS

Post author By Feets
Post date 15/03/2023
14 Comments on COLORS AND COLORS AND COLORS

Using a more vibrant and warm color palette to design Adis clothes

So, hello there! I got too nervous to draw backgrounds or redesign, so I did some color swatches and this bad boy. I designed some clothes.

Here’s the palette I made a long time ago and showed on this blog

And I’m going to post my palettes again so you can see how they look. 😀

Here are the two palettes. Not everything on these palettes are made by me, but all of them have been used. My palettes look like they’re art by themselves haha.

I forgot to show all my little studies I did for color environment and I’m posting on my phone in a environment that doesn’t have my art around.

Anyway, I’ve been doing little sketches and paintings as well and have been struggling.

I was drawing Zhan in some fancy Adis clothes but got stressed out with his face and how I drew him that I didn’t finish.

So, I was a bit productive…but eh…but not really.

Have a nice day and stay hydrated and healthy! Talk to you later.☺️

Tags art, drawings, perfectionist, paintmaking, paint, watercolor, sketches, color, paintings, colored pencils, watercolor paint, study, color study

stories?

Hug

Post author By Feets
Post date 14/03/2023
4 Comments on Hug

Some things are great,
Some things are bad.
I know you’re glad,
you seal my fate.

My heart beats; my stomach moves,
I look at you,
I feel nervous and drool
As I feel your grooves.

I run for miles to be close to you, you see.
I get so anxious being away.
I think about how you sway,
When I first lie on you; then I dream.

And what you are?
It is obvious.

Tags anxiety, beat the clock, gush, lack of words, poetry, story, writing

artwork conculture original characters original content

Here’s a throwback picture!

Post author By Feets
Post date 13/03/2023
7 Comments on Here’s a throwback picture!

So, this is a picture made about…hmm…two or so years ago. I don’t know when I drew it…but considering that the style looks long and the character has a big nose, I’d say 2020-2021.

It is a picture of Zhan with an ancestral doll that I haven’t created a name for. It is powered by a button and plays music that sounds like a music box (it kind of is but I don’t know).

It is one of the objects an Adis uses to get to their micosi, i.e. dream-state. They press on the music their familial ancestor crafted for them and they appear. (There are other ways, but this is one I drew out). This one is supposed to mimic a figure—that works like an orisha—to sing to bring comfort. It kinda isn’t a doll but that’s what I called it. I guess it would be a sculpture or a music box. 🤷🏾

Anywho, this specific object is made by a distant ancestor (like a many great grandpa) named Hadorinal who passed it down to everyone else in his family and it got to Zhan after the dad stupidly gifted to his mom (because he liked her) not realizing she’d have his spawn.

In the micosi, Zhan usually reads the books prayed in by other family members (the spirits can be given food, books, so on) or he talks to the ancestor, Hadorinal, who I mentioned earlier. He has the ability to speak Adis (due to his father Lupita) so that’s who he talks to and he will talk to him about everything in his life.

Now, that micosi (I’ve painted the colors but not drawn it to look as is) has a very 2D appearance to it and also the characters rock as if they’re in a video game. The composed ancestral music constantly plays over and over (unless the person is intercultural with a culture with a quiet micosi or one that plays for a short while) and the characters, if able, may dance to it. The backgrounds are usually vibrant and have many shapes and have varieties of realism. Some of the characters, like Zhan, draw in the style of their micosi (albeit, not well, because Zhan cannot draw😂) while others don’t so much.

I probably would redesign the figure so it’s easier to draw and as well, make it look more creative (not the original isn’t, it just needs a different form). I think I may change the size too. [I have a bit more knowledge on designs after seeing some African statues, sculptures, and masks, so I have some ideas!]

Have a nice day and stay healthy and hydrated!

Tags art, characters, doodles, drawings, fictional worlds, oc, ocs, original characters, original content, sketches, throwback, worldbuilding

conculture stories?

Primordial Soup

Mumumum has no explanation of its existence, but it began to exist a long time ago in a sky cradle in a nursery. So, Mumumum may have known previously that it wanted to do…but it made its little soldiers.

The first little solider it crafted took some time…but how much time? We don’t know. It was crafted from very hot liquidy fire soup. Mumumum gave it some of the fire broth from its birth. It stirred over and over and over until it pulled out a tiny bubble that was smaller than Mumumum’s pinky finger. The bubble screamed as it first came into the universe. Mumumum gave it a coat. The coat was there to protect the heart of the little soldier.

This little solider asked for more friends to help it guard and Mumumum was on it. Mumumum crafted many more until it got the bright idea to make the inners of the solider much, much more powerful. It added two bubbles that would never be apart. These two soldiers together were not only very light in weight, but were very effective in making the liquidy fire soup hotter. Their coat was very cute, but Mumumum had to make it a bit thicker and give them a more individual coat to keep the two safe.

Mumumum enjoyed the process.

Ok, but how did we get here?

Be patient, older one. The story just got started.

Tags bored, creation myth, fictional worlds, myth, original content, religious worldbuilding, worldbuilding

artwork rants

The case of the [blank]

All these triumphant words 
Nothing
A metaphorical straw
Nothing
There’s something left
Nothing
A husk.

Where is your power
Nonexistent
And it makes you feel
Nonexistent
You can’t fix what is slapped as your fault
Nonexistent 
You should be ashamed.

And look at you,
Null
why do you think you deserve things?
Null
You’re not a human,
Null
You’re supposed to be dead.

Hey, y’all. I finished my art homework for the next part of the semester but overall, I just wonder what I’m going to do with this blog. I can’t keep taking breaks. I don’t think that’s right, but I’m exhausted with everything. I literally wake up and don’t feel like offering anything to the table and my characters are great but I just don’t feel like sharing them anymore. I’ve lost a lot of passion and drive. It’s like…what’s the point. It’s not even like it’s a story.

It’s just that it’s hard to make something. It’s not like this story is really that complex than any movie you’d see or book, yet, it’s just…exhausting to share to people. I hate to say some people don’t care, but I could just post my art on here with no captions or a long explanation and that’d matter more then if I littered my post with captions and effort.

It’s like how my professor ask why I did something and expect a small one word explanation or an artisty term and go on but when I give a story and my references, they zone out. It’s just…what’s the point?

If my intent is meaningless and everyone else’s are important, why do I need intent or write a long caption? What’s the point? What’s the point of just not doing painting of absolutely nothing or just a women looking at y’all, the viewers? Give your own intent.

Like this picture from infamous Artbreeder.

What is my purpose of making a blog or existing? What’s the point?

Tags about me, art, art rant, mental health, rant, stress

artwork stories?

I’m going to gush

My homework assignment in the baby stages. It looks goofy.

Anyway, I could lament about how this painting looks failed right now…but why?!☺️ I rather gush about mixed media.

I’ve never been much of a traditionalist when it comes to art, so particular notions mean nothing to me. People could guilt me for hours and I’ll feel bad, but I’d never change. Colored pencil and acrylic paint have improved my paintings and allowed me to do what I wanted to. Don’t get me wrong, I still love love love my watercolors, but other tools prevent me from giving up.

Colored pencils

So, I love colored pencils so much because they are still somewhat very transparent, but still have the ability to layer over things in a way that makes the painting look interesting. So, I can show you two paintings that were fixed by colored pencils.

Two friends hanging out and done with a fugitive palette. I still haven’t finished this dumb sketchbook.🫠🙄

The thing about watercolors is that sometimes it’s very difficult to layer and get soft edges when you’re a beginner and using cheap paper, so left chick was looking dull with a bunch blossoms on her face making it hard to see her details. She’s quite dark skinned so capturing light without making her greasy was a struggle! Something something lighting something ambient occlusion. It is a study on how to draw people in environments. Still suck at backgrounds though.

Here’s more expensive paper and test drawings. Observe how the painting is eh but there’s less lines. I hate this paper because it’s too flat and offers no granulation (what I like)
so a mí no me gusta el papel.🤷🏾

How my paintings (watercolor) look raw

So, some of the characters move on and get older and have families of their own. This is Neloni’s son’s grandchild with the name of Damijo (like their great-grandparent).

Just colored pencil

Not in the mood to explain who this is bc the drawing makes me sad seeing it. It’s a lovely pic…but no.

Acrylic Gouache, Watered down gouache, and the happs.

Some study I did painting a drawing I did of a Leonardo da Vinci’s drawing. Clearly, I’m not him. Don’t come after me (I really don’t care if so, it would be hilarious.)

Miscellaneous grouping

Do not come after my digital art skills. I have no name for her yet, but she’s basically a Bob Ross but also Jim Bakker. She is a televangelist/representation for Bamy culture, but was there to basically cheer people up during a long war between two different countries against Bamygdala. She is showing her one dimensionality here of only being happy. Of course the actress has a soul, but her on screen character is one dimensional . She’s either happy, elated, content, or manic. Not sad or confused, just happy. Sometimes she gets so happy that she cries and her makeup smudges or runs. She’s so intense that some viewers say they cry or they donate or send her letters telling her how happy she makes them. She’s basically a brainwasher. After watching her smile and paint and act quirky, some folks say they get dragged in and they binge watch her show to feel something.

About that one character. If any of y’all had the experience of being with Evangelist groups as a child, knows how intense they can get and how they emotionally corner you sometimes to donate and/or do things that you may not want to do. This is also like Catholic Baroque art to people living in that time. It is intense. So intense, you might as well say you’re not thinking straight. Fascinating stuff. If anyone has some non-Evangelicalist experiences, do share. I’d love to know.

It was nice talking to you. I hope you stay healthy and hydrated. ☺️

Tags acrylic, acrylic gouache, art, characters, colored pencils, fictional worlds, got lazy at the end 😞, ocs, original characters, original content, paintings, watercolor

artwork original content stories?

When?

Post author By Feets
Post date 04/03/2023
15 Comments on When?

When? 
“When” is the question,
that many ask when asking for the next best thing
or the end of the worst.

I ask,
When will I be able to draw bodies correctly?
When will I have the courage to attempt bodies,
instead of sitting with my book drawing busts?
When will this fear be over?!
When will I practice anatomy?
When will I complete my conlangs?
When will I put a story together?

These are only in my control.
I control when.

Drawing is not enough. Practicing other things are great, but they’re tiring or embarrassing…extremely embarrassing. It is extremely hard to post content that looks bad as it is extremely hard to take time on a picture that looks like absolute trash. By no means am I trying to achieve perfection, I’m trying to achieve completion or at least do something well enough that I don’t see immediate mistakes when I do it or it doesn’t make me stop too early.

I’ll show you some stuff that has me like that.

Trying to develop a particular character’s body. 🙂

S is playing a Jinhi hunter and Damijo is playing the “evil” Jinhi. It’s somewhat early in Damijo’s acting career and he’s a horrible but cute acting character (he can act, he just doesn’t really fit in with the vibe and was placed there for nefarious reasons not of his own doing). Anyway, of the two scenes, a scene before makes S feel really bad for Damijo to the point that instead of drawing his sword (that I poorly drew), he drops it and walks to the Jinhi (again, played by Damijo) and nuzzles him.

S has a reputation of being sarcastic, brave, heroic, and insensitive (because it’s their culture to mimic soullessness or basically lack emotions because emotions are bad to them). Meanwhile, Damijo’s reputation is the opposite. He’s very sensitive, ditzy, silly, and humorous because he looks stupid to people and has a strange sounding voice. S basically feels bad for the in story character and also for Damijo and cracks into his inner suppressed self, Solisi.

S was born in the same small community— Sholi—as Damijo, but instead of being a Jinhi like Damijo, he is a Sol Solio. He, however, had a very different life then Damijo and was raised moderate poverty and lacked a citizenship to Bamygdala. He was scouted out by these people looking for an actor. He fit the idea when he acted, but his appearance and his demeanor was unfit. He is naturally timid, anxious, shy, and very emotional and will cry easily. They worked on him with that, but they also gave S plastic surgery to look more of the idea for Northern Bamy people, they were trying to push and made him bleach his skin and hair.

As sensitive as he is, it gave him an identity crisis and made him slightly dissociate. He sees himself as Solisi as his own, but S wants to take over his body and fight him. S is almost always referred to as the Almighty S, and even Solisi will call him that. Solisi refers to himself as himself and refers to S as someone else even though they share the same body and think similarly but differently. Solisi is very traumatized of all the chaos in his life and that’s one of the many ways he handles it (until he gets therapy).

Anyway, Solisi comes out of S in this scene and decides to not to harm the Jinhi. The director thought it was okay because it promoted a message he wanted. (That it was socially okay for citizens to buy a spouse that’s from one of the indigenous groups nearby.) Though, S’s mindset of doing that wasn’t out of romance. It was more out of frustration.

This one is the older version of the nuzzle. There’s nothing that bad about it but Damijo’s face isn’t the way I want it and S looks too flat, but otherwise, I like the emotions of the older one more. Damijo looks adorable (to me).

Anyway, this was a lot to write. I was a bit hesitant to write it, because it could be spoilers…but you know…👉👈. This comic or even storyline is unlikely to take off at the rate I’m going so I thought it would be more worth my time to just say it and move on and show you my oh so lovely art. (Not sarcasm, I do actually think my art is lovely.)🤷🏾It was nice talking to you. Have a nice day or night and make sure to stay hydrated.☺️

Tags art, characters, conculture, drawings, fictional worlds, ocs, original characters, original content, poetry, rant poetry, sketches, stress, worldbuilding, writing

artwork original characters original content

I drew today!

Post author By Feets
Post date 02/03/2023
16 Comments on I drew today!

Nilili. (She’s the mom of Neloni and is around 28-34 here after tragedy in a Jinhi costume)

I know I said I was going to do interaction pictures but I got the dumb idea to color. I mean, coloring is not bad, but I’m not a fan of coloring. I’ve never been a fan of coloring. When I was younger, it used to embarrass me how everyone colored so neatly and I’d color with lines everywhere going everywhere in different directions. As you can see, I still have a lot of that haphazard lines in my work and clearly struggling with hair.

So anyways, just random tidbits about these characters and how I draw them: (I slip up a lot, but it’s a one-man show)

Nilili, Neloni, and Noshili always have a side part to the right of their hair and have bangs that are all similar.
Neloni and Noshili wear girly and/or feminine clothes. Neloni likes tight clothes and hates certain fabrics and will go into a complete meltdown and take hours to calm down after wearing it. He hates wearing makeup and during his career in acting, he’d wipe his face a lot having to redo shots. He also struggles with nail polish but wears dark blue nail polish (a color his husband likes.) Noshili wears clothes that are considered frumpy and baggy. They will not wear tight clothes because they get uncomfortable seeing their body. They wear any kind of makeup and likes to look facially pretty and will ask Noje to do their makeup.
When Noshili has straightened hair, it’s usually a flowing mane, top knot (at home), or a low bun (when out). They always will have a piece of hair that reverts back in the front of their bang.
When Noshili’s hair is curly, they always wear it slicked down with their bangs pulled back, bun, or braids. (Because they have very tangly hair.
Unlike their brother, their hair shape is an upright triangular like 🔺. They have long, black hair and should always be colored with a yellow or green skin color to contrast the hair. (I color their hair the same color as Noje’s skin. Dark purple.)
Neloni is a natural blond. (I didn’t show Nilili’s first husband and Neloni’s dad because I haven’t drawn him, but he carries those genes, but it isn’t a gene that would cause red hair or other types of blond, most light brown hair.)
Neloni is always drawn with an oval head.
Everyone that shares traits with Neloni and Nilili looks either very stank, sad, or very goofy and dazed.
Nilili has jet-black hair but I didn’t draw it that way because 🤷🏾 didn’t know how.
Nilili has an internal color of red and shares that color with Neloni because they were close when she was alive. Meanwhile, Noshili has an earth green color.
Nilili and Neloni have a gap in their two front teeth, Noshili doesn’t.
Neloni and Nilili tilt slightly while listening to people talk and cannot sit still and will move around, rock, and bounce a lot. Noshili jitters and shakes a lot but will sit quietly and probably will sit in the same spot for hours.
Nilili and Neloni yell extremely loud when they talk and when theyre speaking in Kwadi, they talk very slow and have a drawl, but speaking in Jinhi, they speak rapidly fast and sometimes people think they’re yelling.
They’re also both very ditzy and can be easily swindled and are nice to people, especially family. They got lost easily and are terrified of dogs.
All of them enjoy singing. Noshili was taught how to sing by Neloni. Neloni was taught by Nilili.
Neloni named Noshili after his older sister that was taken from him at six years old. Noshili looks up to Neloni but is skeptical of his personality and advice.
Noshili talks very quietly but if they’re irritated they talk extremely fast and use a lot of expletives and threats.
All of them are very tall and bottom heavy. (Neloni is probably 6’5, Nilili is 6’3, and Noshili is 6’2. I’m horrible at catching heights of characters so I struggle.)
Nilili made sure her second husband promised to take care of Neloni and his half brother Nstaid when she died.
Nilili died on Neloni’s birthday when he was twelve and his father, Neshali died the same day when Neloni was six. Neshali was shot dead in front of him by the military.
Neloni nor Noshili do not celebrate their birthday for different reasons and when asked will have different responses. Neloni will get nervous but say something to take off the mood or won’t leave his room and Noshili will start screaming and will try to fight then get in a crying fit and throw up.
Neloni screams at the same time every morning and runs somewhere and either dry heaves in the bathroom or hides and cries and stopped it when he turned 60.
Noshili is terrified of being alone and in the dark and will cry and latch onto people nearby. If Noshili is yelled at, they will sit either teary-eyed or cry. Neloni will yell back and try to fight. (He hates being yelled at.)
Nilili doesn’t cook very well, but her second husband enjoyed her cooking.
All of them are attached to their hair and if it gets damaged or cut off, they will mentally shut off or declare enemies with whomever cut their hair.
Neloni has been arrested and charged with kidnapping even though he didn’t do it. (😂)

Have a nice day, y’all. Sorry for the filler. I am a hot mess.

Tags art, characters, color, colored pencils, drawings, fictional worlds, ocs, original characters, original content, sketches, story, words, worldbuilding

artwork

In all seriousness

Okay, y’all. So, basically, I’m forcing myself out of my funk. As you know from my last blog post written in pure rage. 😬😓 (give me a break, I was reading about stuff to improve my art. Improvement has always been the soul crusher in my life)

I absolutely refuse to write long posts and pages about my concultures. I believe I’d rather like to split them up. It is tedious to write about every single character in a long post only for that post to never be looked at again even if I write about said characters. I have no idea if links work for people! So, I rather just split them up into informationals.

I am trying my hardest to communicate with you all the best way I can, but communication has never been my strong suit. Honesty is great too, but I’m trying to give relevant honesty and not honesty that gets on people’s nerves. I like to pretend I’m a good person, but I doubt I am.

I hate to post more than once per day, but it is what it is. I still have more to post and more to talk about.

Drawing can be rewarding but it’s also something I hide from at times. Sometimes I hide from putting characters out here. I mean, they are as they are.

Anyway, it was nice talking to you. Happy End of February. See you. Make sure to get good rest and stay hydrated and healthy.

Tags anxiety, art, back and running, characters, conculture, drawings, fantasy, fictional worlds, oc, original characters, original content, perfectionist, sketches, watercolor, worldbuilding, writing

about me rants

I can’t bring myself to talk about the things I want to talk about

Post author By Feets
Post date 27/02/2023
13 Comments on I can’t bring myself to talk about the things I want to talk about

I’m not trying to say I don’t care anymore because that would be disingenuous, but I feel like half of my soul has been slurped out of my body and reminds out there leaving me a sad and partially empty and angry individual.

I hate whining because it seems like only a select group of people want to hear it, but dang. I hate this world. And not because it’s villainously bad or anything, it’s the bane of my existence. I cannot and I’m not sure will ever be able to stand people unless I’m sedated. And again, not just evil people that are easy to hate. I hate a lot of well-meaning people who are basking in their false senses of security while dumping every single living problem on everyone else. Not even worrying about their own lives or repercussions because they don’t have to.

I know I sound like a hypocrite. We are all a hypocrite to someone, but some people are so far up to social justice that they don’t do a single thing that is worthy or actually helps people. Same with these so called people that are allegedly the opposite that are PC killers or whatever. They’re not doing anything. Nothing has happened. Nobody has stopped the bad guy. At this point, is it even their goal to? Or to fight amongst another? Why are marginalized groups fighting for representation and yet, not getting a SINGLE DROP of glory. Ultimately, wanting and fighting for your freedom is destroying it.

People don’t want equality, they want to be happy. If you secretly have people a pill to save the world but be equal or a happy pill, I can assure you 77% would choose the happy pill.

Is this a bad thing?

No. Equality isn’t freedom. Human kind doesn’t want freedom. They want to be happy and happy all the time. They don’t care about others. As long as their happy and if they lost dimensions of their soul to be in Heaven, Nirvana, and other joyous places, they’d take it. Nobody cares about, you don’t care about others. I like to believe I do, but tons of well-meaning but self serving people have told me all humans are bad and only care about themselves no matter how many times I tried to argue that I just will go as they say. Their microcosm probably is Hell, itself.

Drawing is my life, but it’s not a need. I don’t breathe art. I’m not an artist. I do drawings and cartoons and some people call it art. I stopped, because frankly, the word meant something to me and it hindered my progress.

I don’t want to be an artist anymore.

Art, by definition, is one of the stupidest and strangest concepts to mankind and only exists to sell a collective universal that doesn’t exist. Kerry James Marshall’s Black art only resonates with me because we are both Black. I cannot relate to the pictures. I don’t have the lived experience. However, galleries and political pictures don’t care.

It’s easier for many people to lump people into groups because it’s convenient and they don’t have to think hard at all to where the point in their head is it has boobs and a skirt, big lips, big hips. It a female. Must reproduce. It got gray sweatpants on and has a beard and features of a male. It a male. Must reproduce. Groups are convenient and some people can’t live without them and have what is like an autistic meltdown when it’s change.

I don’t want someone invalidating my creation as an art object because it doesn’t follow some outdated idea of what it’s supposed to look like. Which brings me to my next point.

Everyone says study realism and anatomy and your art will improve.

TO WHAT?!

What is my artwork supposed to be looking like? I’ve had people share their expectations for me to get better and it tanked my self esteem and my little heart. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE IMPROVING ON?!

Everyone says art is soooo subjective and you can do anything you want but then you read an article to improve your way and get dunked with so many (honestly worthless) opinions and if you’re silly and young like me, don’t take them with a grain of salt because everyone is saying that.

So, I learn anatomy and realism…and then break the rules I spent my whole time not having fun or enjoying and going back to cartoons I wanted to draw 300+ years ago…and I look to see that I actually wanted to draw that way even if the art style is bad to everyone…what now? Do I stop enjoying what I love because it’s not good enough?

No offense, but we need to stop telling kids to be themselves. You’re always going to be yourself. You cannot escape your body, your physiology, your mind. Let’s say you’re in a play as Hamlet.

There’s a script, but your choices to act and how to deliver are purely your own and are just as frustrating if you had whatever. Stop telling kids that.

Their enough is never enough and they’ll live with it and if they don’t, I’m sorry. I’m learning the sheer inconvenience and frustration being myself.

My art is not abstract enough to be marketable, my art is not realistic or impressive. My own family ignores my art objects and drawings unless I gaslight them or perform a whole ASPCA commercial for attention.

I don’t enjoy drawing more realistically but I know I have to.

Unless you have an interest that is marketable that everyone likes or you want the glory, you’re going to get ignored or be lucky and have a niche group of people like and want to pay for your interests.

Tags frustration, help, mental health, rant, stress

about me

:)

Post author By Feets
Post date 20/02/2023
9 Comments on :)

I’m tired.
I’ll see you later.
👋

I think I’ll be on a hiatus for a while. I’m putting in too much emotional effort and not enough of what I wanted to do with the website I made. I am going to spend more time on my posts and my content, thus, I am going on a hiatus for a while. I might post WIPs but I need to be serious.

Tags hiatus, taking a breath, mental health break

about me artwork rants

Burn out

Post author By Feets
Post date 20/02/2023
25 Comments on Burn out

A flame was lit, 
it was lit with a match. 
Lit so it could keep the group warm. 
But it was short-lived.

The flame couldn’t keep the two warm, 
and since it couldn’t, the group froze. 
They didn’t know what to do anymore.

I don’t know really what to say…I received the big ol burnout. Always at this time of the year for classes. I moved my art supplies closer to me so I can still do them, but the passion is dead.

Why?

Because I’m struggling drawing bodies. It doesn’t make me want to stop drawing, it just makes me sad and not want to draw. I don’t have a particular style I’m going for, nor am I going for realism, but they’re just not going how I want. I really want to draw bodies for my characters, but failing is stressing me out. Failing isn’t scary, but it’s disappointing.

As well, it feels so stupid to post time and time because I’m not sure if I’m posting anything of value. I literally cannot bring myself to elaborate more on my ocs. 😔 Not because they’re bad, but I’m an artist and I assume people want to see visual art and not blocks of text. Anytime it’s about a character there’s so much more interactions but I don’t want to keep blasting people with on and on character profiles and no interactions with characters or anything, but I don’t feel like I can draw enough and I bit out more than I can chew. My art style fluctuates in quality too often.

I literally (as I’m not figuratively, literally!) almost had a meltdown over this whole thing. This is out of my comfort zone. Drawing two people together and making them look like they’re apart of the same picture. I know I should do it more, but this picture is exhausting and I got Noje’s dorsal part incorrect. (Should be flipped—that’s my bad)

Both of them look stiff and stale. Feyondo is a pain for me to draw as well. Any time I draw him, I believe a little part of me dies. His design has to look like that though because! It cannot look any other way or that’s not him!

But I know I’m burned out because I’m hiding from doing anything. Even the stuff I love because it looks terrible to me.

However!

The good news with all this is that if you’re turned off by your art, it means you might be improving and gaining insight that you need to change something or study something else, but also take a break.☺️ I’m not going to take a physical break just yet, because I have assignments to do, but I will be taking a break.

I will be taking my disgust with the way I draw bodies and the stiffness of figures (which usually isn’t that much of a problem, I just kinda want them to not be too janky). As well as draw two or more people interacting with each other.😮‍💨😭

As well, don’t forget to stay hydrated!

Tags about me, anxiety, art, drawings, oc, perfectionist, rant, sketches, stress

about me artwork rants

Identity Politics and stress

Post author By Feets
Post date 16/02/2023
20 Comments on Identity Politics and stress

The older I get and the more I get into political issues, the more frustrated I get and the more things bug me or don’t feel worth it to talk about. One of them is identity politics. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel like they’re bad or anything, I just find them to be stressful and responses and anger from people are difficult to help or cope with. I don’t think anyone wants to purposely be offensive or make everyone uncomfortable, and for me…I don’t run on spite. At all.

I understand that I’m speaking US politics, so if you aren’t from the US, don’t worry. It’s just not your politics (but you may subscribe to them.)

So, what I mean is that some of my characters go under different brackets of LGBT and queer identities. Some are easier to explain and some aren’t. I don’t want to ever feel like I’m pushing the politics down people’s throats or forcing them to see something they don’t want to see…

The thing about identity, is that that’s the driving force of a lot of people’s personalities and nurture. For example, I’m a Black American. It doesn’t define my personality in a way that makes me act a particular way, but it adds nuances to my actions. For example, if you look at my characters and how they’re designed (I believe), you may be able to tell. You may not, oh well. It gives a big outlook on people’s artwork. I’m also in the B and T region in the LGBT, this affects my characters. Some of them are trans, some of them are cis. Some are straight, gay, bisexual, or some kind of nuance.

Another identity politic is neurodivergency and mental illness. This one is a lot more complex and controversial. Some of the characters go through various different traumatic experiences and events in their lives and some of them are just born different.

I needed a picture to post on here and don’t feel like posting new art. She is not in the LGBT at all, she’s just cute.😂 The closer up you see this picture, the more visible the erased pictures are. I also always managed to leave erasures on my sheet any time I take a picture. So goofy.🤪

I want y’all to know that at a time in my life, I was very concerned with representation and identity and trying to do representation the best way possible and get everyone in, but now in my life my characters are written as they are. Their identities are as they are and they’re important.

I am aware none of y’all asked for this post, but it’s literally been a thing stuck in my head for hours on hours and days on days.

How do I acknowledge my characters for how they are? I understand that people could be offended and will be offended, but how do I write and explain these characters in a way that isn’t preachy, strange, or awkward?

I’m not going to write a list saying all my LGBT characters or explain the fantasy human races because firstly, that’s a lot of work, and secondly I don’t think that’s necessary. You’ll see more interaction posts with characters and maybe I’ll feel comfortable enough to write about them.

I’m not shy at all, but I get nervous and frustrated and I’m still trying to get rid of my SM personality and people pleasing tendencies. It’s like me getting uncomfortable writing in other languages because there’s usually an identity tied underneath it and personality and culture tied underneath that I feel like I’m impeding on. It’s ridiculous because so many people with different cultures and backgrounds write in English, but I still feel like a bad person doing it. For example, if you don’t know what I’m talking about. Spanish. I’m learning Spanish, and I feel like I’m impeding on Spanish speakers cultures and identities by writing stories and content in Spanish—even though I’m not writing about any ethnic groups or culture or anything. It goes into the other languages I’m trying to learn. (and this has nothing to do about cultural appropriation, I’m not whining about that.)

Anyway, I’ll see y’all! Thank you for listening.

Tags about me, anxiety, art, drawings, oc, original characters, original content, people pleasing, perfectionist, political conversations, politics, rant, sketches, stress

artwork original characters stories?

Story for y’all

Y’all, I’m feeling stressed out and today, so I’m going to post, but I’ll just give y’all a written out story. Hope you like it, I’m an visual artist before a literati or a writer.😣

As well, some of the stuff here is cultural specific and language specific and since I’m monolingual and unable to speak anything other than English, I will just use English to express their language. Bear with me.

(As well, how my character’s talk is how they talk, I do not talk like this. Thank you.😉)

Left to Right: Atane/ (I don’t have established spellings yet but his name is like Ankweda /ɑ̃.kʷe.ɾə/ [un-kweh-ra but say it like a d if you’re from the US and if you’re Spanish speaking say it like the end of nadar. I’m not sure about other languages, but it’s basically a tap trill]but I’m not a fan of the spelling) and Noshili/Tatmtar

Tatmtar and Ankweda are sitting together on the couch. Tatmtar is sitting with herbal on their hand and thinking about absolutely nothing like usual with a movie on. Ankweda is looking around at random objects in Tatmtar’s family home and gets curious. They pick up some things that Tatmtar confiscates and puts back away causing them to get bored and try to chat.

“Hey, Tatm,” Ankweda said feeling anxious to talk. “You invited me over to hang out, but we aren’t talking…so, are we watching stuff on the monitor together or are we talking?”

Tatmtar sighed and flipped their hair and pushed it back behind their ear with a quick movement. They had very dark black hair that in some lighting looked very black the point it broke reality and other times was so black it shined purple.

“Why I got to talk to you for?” Tatmtar asked aggressively. “You can’t just enjoy my company?”

Ankweda rubbed his neck and did an uncomfortable chuckle; he watched Tatmtar sip their tea. Ankweda didn’t want to watch the movie on the monitor and in fact, he didn’t like Tatmtar’s choices much and thought they had poor taste in films.

“Tatmtar, I enjoy your company a lot,” Ankweda replied, putting his arm around Tatmtar. “But, it would be even better if we talked instead of just sit around. Why don’t we talk about the person on the wall?”

Tatmtar was fuming with anger and frustration. They wanted to watch the movie, not chat! They glared and side-eyed Ankweda. They thought Ankweda rambled too much about nothing and just wanted to be near them without talking.

They groaned and rolled their eyes again and put their tea on the floor and pouted.

“Damn, boy,” Tatmtar fussed. “For what?! I literally don’t want to hear you ramble. I love you and all, dude, but shit…why can’t you just shut the hell up and watch the damn movie?! For fuck’s sake!”

Ankweda felt very uncomfortable and didn’t feel angry but he was mildly scared. Tatmtar ignored them and pouted. Ankweda sighed and sat closer to them and just glanced on the monitor for a second and laid his head on Tatmtar’s lap and played games on the monitor on his necklace. He twisted his little, black ringlets with his fingers and thought he’d ask again in a minute.

Tags art, characters, oc, original characters, original content, sketches, story, working on something new

artwork original content stories?

Standing there

Practicing my watercolor and drawing skills. If it looks janky, it looks janky. It’s progress.

Standing there,
Standing right there,
Composure upright,
looking straight ahead.

No tears,
No anger,
Nothing but looking.

Your ears are not aroused, are they?
Your ears are not aroused.
Your eyes mean nothing to you,
You’re thinking. 

No tears,
No anger,
Nothing but looking.

No thoughts of taste,
Clutching your chest.

Standing there.
Standing right there.
Composure upright,
Looking straight ahead.

Hey, y’all. I have been quite busy. Thank you so much for your patience. I just want to ramble about nothing for a while. Why? I just do. I hope it doesn’t annoy you.

Anyway, I cannot bring myself to write and draw out a huge story because of that fear. Not of failing. It’s the fear to start and not finish. I always have to plan for my own self because of my inability to follow through on things as well as burn out.

For these pictures, I was trying to design clothing designs but also just establish color designs for two very important characters. They are Noshili’s brother and sister. Reqina (/ɾe.qɪ.nə/) is the brother and Pitri (/pɪ.t̪ə.rɨ/) is the sister. Pitri is an equivalent of a queen in the state she lives in. Since she is a Revalan, she has the ability to be around very wealthy people at any given moment. She’s married to the equivalent of a king. In the state she’s from, her family has much of the power since they’re extremely wealthy and are everywhere in politics, religion, and entertainment. I mean, I based them of the Medici family, but you know…there’s tons of very powerful families everywhere that are very corrupt. She is just as corrupt as people in her family.

She loves her husband, but she was quick to marry him at sixteen because she hates her family. Since her mom was a bad drug addict and her father was arrested for beating his wife and kids as well as moving funds around from all the companies he was in, she was fostered and adopted by an Ane-Ne Najigi named Nole/Adane/Zhan that at the time, had a cultural marriage to her uncle. He was cool to her, but she couldn’t help being extremely embarrassed by his abnormal behaviors and strange appearance that she rejected him quite often. She regrets it at times, but she’s a stickler on her beliefs and refuses to change them for anyone, including family. She only has a good relationship with Reqina. She doesn’t consider Noshili/Tatmtar a real sibling since they have a different biological father (NOTE HERE: This is a character, this is not my belief. I like to make characters with different personalities, it, however, doesn’t mean I share any of their beliefs) and that they look very different (they all have similar features, Tatmtar just has darker skin and a bit different features) to her idea of family—as well, their existence ruined her mom’s marriage. She never bullies them or attacks them, she just calls them what she seems fit.

Her best traits are that she’s very close to her husband and is his crutch when he’s stressed and they both do similar roles in the family of helping and guiding their children.

They are the same age too—I hope mentioning her age doesn’t make y’all think she married an old man. She didn’t. He’s the same age as her. As well, in this culture, usually couples that get married that are sixteen years old (which is the age of consent there) have to be the same age and no younger and if they’re older, they have to be seventeen and maybe eighteen—if not, people will look at the relationship as foul and you will get slandered and harrassed or shunned.

The other picture with the red background is a drawing of a character within the Revalan family. Look…y’all…it’s hard capturing the vibe of the character. That’s his vibe. I think I will draw him again to how he actually appears when feigning stability or actually is stable. I was mostly working on facial features and drawings and being consistent with family member faces. All members that are related to Damijo biologically have very similar eyes to him and rarely deviate from that (of course, there’s exceptions). I didn’t capture that look very well, but I tried very hard. I literally forgot how I described him in my notes so if he looks drastically different next time you see him, then he looks drastically different. I like going off of what I describe characters as to keep it consistent. Usually when I like the design, the notes don’t matter. This design is a great start.

Anyway, nice seeing y’all. Thank you so much for following.

Tags art, characters, drawings, fictional worlds, original characters, original content, paintings, watercolor, watercolor paint, worldbuilding, writing

about me artwork rants

I’m absolutely exhausted

Other than nature coming after my body, being online gives me so much exhaustion and really makes me genuinely hate people or being online. The irritating thing about life is that it’s great to exist but other people are absolutely terrible.

Why do people like bringing more people here? Why?

Anyway, I’m tired of people saying there’s no jobs or AI is taking over. It’s exhausting. I hate being critically online but I feel I have nothing else. I’m tired of exhausting people and feeling bad about it later. I’m constantly told that I need particular things and need to do particular things for my life to have meaning and I can tell you, 100% that I feel like garbage. It’s probably just my sour personality. I’m the problem.

Personally I don’t care about showing my fails to people. This one was a straight fail with a good learning lesson. Laugh with me and not at me. It’s janky, y’all.

I want to draw and color but it doesn’t bring joy and kind of makes me sad. It’s temporary, but it’s dragging my mood down.

How do you live in such a world
and don’t understand a soul?
Walking around aliens,
Yet that’s who you are.

You isolate yourself,
and choose not to understand people,
as if you’re entitled to their opinion.
You have no authority.

Stay in your place.

I drew this a while back, but I feel like this right now.

😒

Tags about me, art, drawings, rant