16 minutes
I looked at myself in the mirror after feeling guilty about throwing a shoe at Damijo. I was starting to break out in sweat. I’m an adult now and I have to get married to this loser? Officially???
I put on my full outfit. I felt queasy and dizzy. I don’t know why but the fact my dad married me off makes me feel sick. My mother came in.
She spoke in Soli.
“Hurry the fuck up, you little bitch,” she said. “You’re going soooo slooooow!”
I looked at myself. My face was slightly breaking out more and I looked sweaty. I lost my beauty for this man.
I didn’t want to speak in Soli.
“I don’t feel good, babai,” I said in Kwadi. “Can I cancel?”
She passed me some juice in a box and crackers. She gripped my arm.
“You are entering your rite of passage, Sadorno!” She said in Soli through her teeth. “Soon you’ll have beautiful children with this gorgeous man, and you’ll love each other forever! Eat the snack, you are famished!”
“I don’t want him…” I replied in Soli. “He’s…too much.”
“I didn’t want to marry your dad, but I needed citizenship for us,” she said in Soli. “They’re offering their cute, Jinhi-looking son. Would you rather have the ugly Bamy man that is his brother? Just keep bothering him, it’ll wear him down.”
My dad isn’t necessarily subservient, but he can easily be guilt tripped into doing what my mom says. He’s a disgusting asshole and my mother controls me so she lets him do shit to me to stay here. I will not break Damijo, he isn’t a pet.
I ate the crackers and drank the juice. The juice bit back, but I did feel a bit better after eating it. I am a natural performer like my cugalo. I think we could pull this off. My mom walked out first. I walked after her.
I saw my cugalo with a darker skinned man near in the act—is he a citizen??? What the fuck? I felt embarrassed and guilty. Does he love him? Is that why he talked around loving me? I had to leave my ex for this? Nobody noticed since they were well hidden. The man noticed me while Damijo was all over him, but I didn’t want to confront them. He pulled away from Damijo looking nervous and, but I couldn’t see the rest in time because everyone started circling me and complimenting me.
Oh! If I were getting married, I’d want to look like you! You’re so lucky! I want to be you! O Pelado! You’re so pretty?! I love you. Made, if I were a man, I’d marry you.
The women who said it were beautiful and could’ve easily married him instead.
One of them was insanely beautiful like my daydream but real, she didn’t compliment me. She seemed like a singer, based on the way she was dressed. She had powerful, cool dark skin tone, big, low-hanging lips, and a short nose. Her eyes were dark and mysterious.
“And who are you?” I asked flirtatiously.
My heart jumped waiting for her response. She’s so beautiful. I took a deep breath—I was scared.
She smiled uncomfortably.
“I’m Kidiri,” she said softly. “I’m going to sing for your wedding.”
“You look so beautiful in that dress,” I said smiling hard and observing her clothing assuming her body underneath her layers. “Are you famous? I can’t say I’m into singers, but you certainly look like a star.”
She cackled similarly to Damijo, but it was actually cute.
“Err no, this is my first gig after university,” she replied smiling nervously. “I went with your cugalo.”
“Oh!” I said. “Very nice! Were you friends with my cugalo?”
I smiled. She’s so beautiful.
She rubbed her neck.
“Yes, he’s a good man…I assume…but I don’t know if he’s good for you,” she said murmuring. “You don’t seem…never mind.”
She giggled uncomfortably. I readjusted my crown and blushed.
“Well, at least one of us looks happy and beautiful tonight,” How good are you at fingering that lute?”
She smiled friendly at me and chuckled; I giggled. My mom looked annoyed and hissed.
“Madenna! Why are you not focusing on getting married?!” She fussed. “You are about to go on stage! Do not ruin this trying to make new friends!”
She gripped my arm and spoke through her teeth.
“Don’t ruin our family with this bullshit,” she said aggressively.
I took a deep breath and looked at Kidiri. She was stunning, she stood up tall and confidently. My heart raced faster. Kidiri, Kidiri. You are a breath of fresh air.
I had to walk to my cugalo and hop into spiritual waters to cleanse myself of my sins and issues. I couldn’t stop thinking of everything that burdened me.
I did as planned. I jumped into the water and let myself sink in and held my breath. Fortunately, my makeup still looked intact when I rose. Damijo was to do the same thing. He didn’t seem to like the water much. In fact, he seemed irritable afterwards.
I had to recant the things I said about to him and he said it towards me. Then we had to recite our vows and expectations for each other. He applied effort to write his vows, but I gave generic vows and expectations because I just knew he couldn’t fulfill them. I could tell he didn’t like that; his grin fell after my vows. His face scrunched and looked upset for a split second. It was close to over anyway. The music started playing and we put on rings. I didn’t want to kiss him on the lips—heh—so I kissed him on the cheek which made him red with embarrassment and he frowned again, but I kept my composure and my “docile lady” acting skills up.
We finally got to get some food. We sat over at a table. We had catering—disgusting looking food. Damijo looked really upset and embarrassed in his posture, but he smiled anyway. He didn’t really talk to me. Everyone thought I kissed him a particular way because I was the virgin type. Kidiri started playing her lute on the stage, she started singing. She had a beautiful voice. My mom was recording her singing. Kidiri’s voice was like a soft bird that was flying freely in the wind. Oh, to be free and fly with the sweet Kidiri. Her body motions were soft, and her playing brought me to tears and shook my core and my…lower regions…
I had to keep acting. I held onto Damijo. He wrapped his hands around me and grinned which made people take pictures. I saw the man he was with earlier from afar and felt guilt. Extreme guilt.
I turned to Damijo and whispered.
I whispered, “You seem to have some friends. Who are they?”
The food came as we spoke, including the cake.
“My new coworkers, Paqeda and Kintin.” He replied softly. “My good childhood friends are here too, Roi and Meto…one of them is not here…he didn’t agree with the marriage…”
That darker skinned man was sitting near a lighter skinned woman, feeding her food, and posing for pictures, smiling. The guy was handsome to me even though he’s a home wrecker and a jerk and the woman was very gorgeous, and I’d totally flirt with her. Damijo rubbed his neck while watching—he looked slightly irritated and jealous.
I whispered again.
“Is that Paqeda and Kintin?” I asked.
“Yes. They’re neat,” he replied.
“Say, who picked Kidiri for the wedding?” I asked.
He picked over his food and didn’t eat a crumb. I noticed he drank–I don’t get him. I can’t drink on an empty stomach. I ate. People were taking pictures of us and standing close. We still whispered.
“Me,” he said. “She’s really nice and I thought she’d be interesting to hear because she is a way better singer than me and she is well spoken enough to talk about Nenneh issues in this state.”
He smiled. Whatever…
“You’re a whole citizen,” I replied. “I can’t see why you’d put yourself in non-citizen affairs that do not affect you. Mind your business.”
Why am I acting like I’m born in Bamygdala culture anyway? He glared at me and bit the skin off his lips.
“I’m a grown man, I can care about what I want,” he retorted. “If I want to talk about politics then I can.”
I scoffed and talked quieter.
“What? Is she Jinhi?” I asked.
“Yes, why?” He replied.
My face felt hot. I felt gross for liking her. Do I just care about her or was I fetishizing her? O my dear Pelado. Save my soul from Amal.
He noticed my face and looked annoyed.
“Do you not like Jinhi?” he asked, raising a brow.
“Again, you are a citizen,” I replied defensively. “Why do you even care?! It’s not any of our business and it’s surely not yours.”
His face went red, and he looked like he was going to hit and scream at me. He gripped the table. He rubbed his face and calmed down.
“You have to care,” he said. “People are facing deportation and literal bombings for being from the state they live in. How do you not care?”
I don’t think I can take him seriously with that stupid accent.
“Because I mind my business,” I replied
“What if you fall in love with one or have to marry one?” he asked looking nervously and fearful.
“I’d be upset,” I replied. “Just like I’d be upset if I got with a man who already cheated on me on my wedding night.”
He smacked me in the face. It left a mark and it burned. I tried to keep my composure, so maybe people would blame him, but it didn’t work. My mom ran over, screaming.
“Made! You dumbass!” She screamed. “Why did you let him hit you? You’re supposed to be nice and sweet. Or be so vague he doesn’t understand so you can trap him.”
Damijo looked frustrated with all the cameras taking pictures. He got up and turned away.
“I’ll go,” he said looking embarrassed.
I stood up, screamed a random number for the number of children I wanted—six, grabbed some cake, shoved it in his mouth, used his hand to shove cake into my mouth. Kissed him on the cheek and ran off.
SIX?! Am I dumb?
I got to the carriage for the honeymoon and went to lock myself in the bathroom. I didn’t understand the situation, but I knew the slap hurt badly. I choked a bit on the cake, so I threw it back up. I felt cursed. Doro, you’re an idiot. This is all you’re doing. You’re already ruining the marriage before it started.
I really didn’t want to cry because crying is so embarrassing and weak, but I hated my predicament. I guess Damijo is right, Nenneh people do have it worse here…I peeked out the bathroom. My family was getting in the carriage.
“Madenna is such a disappointment, Chamana,” she said. “Everyone else is so well behaved and married people who were good and just as great as Damijo and they’re happy and her stupid ass makes him hit her! He’s a good guy!”
I thought my dad would have a change in opinions, but he couldn’t give a shit about me either.
“No, you’re right, Bimisi.” He said sounding not that convinced. “But I’m sure she’ll get over it.”
I could hear Damijo walk in. Still clunking in those damn heels.
“Hello sir and ma’am!” He said loudly and enthusiastically. “Did Made come in here?”
My mom responded like she was talking to a child.
“No, sweetie,” my mom replied. “She went off somewhere.”
I heard Damijo respond.
“Well, I just wanted to tell the little dearie that I’m sorry,” he said. “She also barely touched her plate, so I tried to bring her at least some cake.”
I frowned. Was it my fault he hit me? Is he just nice and I was being a bitch? I feel like I’m losing my mind.
I sniffed in the bathroom. I was crying like I was weak. Damn. I washed my mouth.
I heard him walk to the door. I didn’t close it. He looked at me. I was hardly shorter than him, but he still managed to look down at me. He didn’t look angry, he looked like he was observing me. His eyes are creepy, I don’t like how big and light they are.
“Sugar…” he said softly with a calm face. “I’m sorry I hit you. You didn’t deserve that. I am still trying to control my temper. I brought you some food.”
“I don’t want that shit,” I said aggressively. “My family knows I don’t eat meat, animal products, animal’s milk, or flavorless food…you can have it, Damijo.”
“Well…no,” he replied. “I don’t really eat food like that either…usually I eat other kinds of food. Similar to yours…”
I sighed.
“Maybe our parents should’ve picked foods for our diets,” I said. “My mom raised me to not eat animals.”
I glared at my parents. Damijo chuckled.
The carriage started moving. We sat down close to each other.
He didn’t really smile when he looked at me like he did earlier, he seemed exhausted and frustrated.
“So, are you excited for the honeymoon portion?” he asked sounding tired.
“What?” I asked. “Is that sex?”
I felt repulsed. He sighed.
“I don’t know,” he said slightly murmuring. “I believe it is a requirement. Is that what you actually want?”
I felt really repulsed.
“Ummm…yessss. I would love to.” I responded chuckling nervously. “This should be fun. However, I’m not ready for kids and I’m sure you want to keep your career.”
“I’d give up my career for you and a family,” he said looking serious. “I said that in my vows. We all gotta make sacrifices.”
“You shouldn’t!” I replied sweating. “I think you are fine where you are now.”
He looked like he caught on to my game.
“Whatever,” he said sitting back frowning and seeming insecure.
“Yes, of course,” I said nervously and about to gulp.
We started whispering to each other. My parents were getting nosy.
“Made, are you only into women?” he asked whispering while tilting his head.
He moved a lot and postured himself strangely now that I noticed, but this one was interesting. How does his back not hurt?
I was thrown off by his awfully specific question.
“That’s not the specific question you should ask now,” I replied. “Why do you ask?”
“You are partnered up with me for a reason,” he said. “My dad is embarrassed with me because I had sex with men and women in my life. They don’t want me to ruin their reputation. You probably are the same way or only like women.”
I squeaked. Why are you asking NOW?
“Why are you instigating?” I asked. “Why are you getting in my business?”
He frowned.
“Wow. I was expecting some kind of honesty,” he said. “You seem like you like that.”
I grumbled.
“Don’t instigate!” I replied. “Even if it was like that, you’d treat me the same because I’m your hudale.”
He looked at me with pure anger.
“You’re still a human,” he replied getting aggressive. “But you asked me earlier, so I get to ask you. You are my hudale, you can be honest, and I will as well. Communicate.”
“You just talk like that because I’m ugly, don’t you?” I asked. “What’s wrong with you? Is it because I’m not Paqeda?”
His eyebrows furrowed and he curled his lips like I was a disgusting freak in his presence.
“Why do you do that?” He asked.
“Do what?” I asked.
He looked annoyed but patient.
“Say something like that,” he said staring into my eyes. Ominous. “I’m sure there’s things about how you are and how you talk that are odd or strange but I’m not going to track that. Besides, I don’t like you instigating. It makes me feel insecure.”
“Why should I care how you feel?” I replied. “You insinuated that I like women out of nowhere because I may not find you attractive!”
He bit his lip. I felt guilty but he made me feel ugly staring like that. He looked down nervously and fidgeted with his necklace.
“You’re being a bitch,” he said. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to answer yourself.”
I smacked his torso.
“Why don’t you look up and say that shit with your chest, you dumb ass freak,” I fussed. “Shifty ass, weird ass bitch. Say it again with your fucking chest!”
My parents looked horrified at what I had said but Damijo cackled–I still annoyed him.
“Hopefully you’re as feisty in bed as you are here,” he said. “You are ridiculous.”
We finally got to the house we were supposed to live in, and my parents helped us get everything unpacked earlier. I hated that house so much. Everything was picked out for us from the wedding to the house we’d stay in forever. We had to move to a different state and Damijo didn’t know the language and it was obvious. I was so upset about moving away from my ex.
Damijo seemed easily distracted, clumsy, and awkward, but people seemed to enjoy him.
We had one more thing to complete.
We had to consummate.
All we had to do is have some people observe us doing vaginal, whether it was good or not.
We went upstairs. I broke into a sweat.
Damijo looked really stressed out too. I took off my layers. He looked disappointed at how skinny I was, and I was just upset in general. He had long hair in a bun. It was very awkward for me but I also thought that it was pretty, maybe the best thing about him.
He gave me a kiss on the lips. I felt so grossed out, I gagged. He looked insecure.
So, I posted the rest but didn’t want to put the awkward sex scene (as it, it is awkward) that was there.
Anywho, I heard y’all in the last post say that you wanted to know about Damijo. Would you like me to write the same situation in his perspective? While this is ongoing, it’s gonna take me a while to do everything. These are practically the notes (they’re not really notes, more like the skeleton). This story is written out by Sadorno based on the night.