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I’ll take it

I put a picture of a character that I felt I could relate to this—unfortunately that character is a bad person. (😭) I’ve been mulling and mulling over friendships with people and the inevitable abandonment. I am truly a toxic person and don’t deserve friends.

I’m tired, I’m tired.
I was wondering why I was alone.
Then I found out I’m the problem.
I’m the problem.

I take full responsibility.
I am the problem.
Any answer to why is an excuse,
I am sorry for doing human things.

Some people do them and they’re followed around
like a hen with her chicks.
but I’m the problem
for assuming the same would happen with me.

I don’t say things to be mean to you,
I catch myself being honest,
Sharing my opinion.
When I’m honest, it means I care about you.

I don’t think I understood I may have hurt your feelings.
Nobody deserves to have their feelings hurt.
Even when it’s in a conversation.
I take responsibility.

I’m sorry I didn’t create a space where you didn’t feel like you can express your emotions.
Or I wore you out with my problems when you didn’t want to discuss anything like that.

I just felt so safe with you.
We used to share conversations more,
but I got too sensitive and argumentative
too passionate it was toxic.

You cut me out of your life with a dry text and no explanations on your disappearance.
You’re laughing and bonding with other people, don’t think I can’t see you on social media.
I’m glad you’re happy, I’m not and I doubt I ever will be.

There’s nothing wrong with you,
you wanted to be happy and I couldn’t give it to you.
You wanted to talk about your friends and family and your interests.
I wanted to talk about my woes and my passions.

I wonder if we were ever friends,
but I enjoy our memories. 😔

16 replies on “I’ll take it”

There’s really not enough spoken or written about how devastating the end of a friendship can be. It’s a breakup and it hurts. I see you working through those feelings but please don’t take all the blame. It’s okay to recognize how you might act different in another friendship, but you must also recognize that they played a part in the situation as well. It takes two 🙂 Hugs.

Liked by 1 person

I’ve never dated a single person in my life, but I get how people in breakups feel. Sometimes I want to text my old friends and beg for attention but that’s just odd. It’s horrible too when I still see them around and they appear happy and I’m a hot, depressed mess. It’s a shame.😂


I painted some swatches then got really bored and started looking up information on more palettes and thinking about how I’m going to write and do things for my more professional blog with my studies on it (haven’t gotten that one together).

I have too much aspirations, little willpower, and little motivation.

I’m about to start drawing a character in a traditional outfit from the cultures I made up and will paint them with the palette I made—I will start with thumbnail sketches however. I need to find a palette.😌

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I think no one in the world is perfect and therefore at some point or the other we are the problem. The important thing is knowing what we did wrong, learning from it and doing better in the future.

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It’s depressing just getting cut off by someone because they no longer like you and you did something wrong or exhausted them. I prefer them to tell me what I did wrong because typically abusive and evil people get cut off like that. It makes me feel like an extremely bad person. When people start dry texting me and taking large spans, I know I’m going to get abandoned. I don’t fight anymore with it. It’s probably a valid reason why they left. 😔

Liked by 1 person

I’ve been through that a few times and I know what it’s like. It sucks not having any proper closure but at the end we just have to accept that it may be us or it may also be them. Or it may just be that we have outgrown each other. And some people just aren’t meant to be in your life forever.

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