How come I’m working out of my comfort zone and it’s making me toxically anxious, frustrated, and borderline want to hurt my self? Like, I don’t have enough time to lollygag but being forced out of my comfort zone doesn’t make me proud of myself. It doesn’t make me smile, it doesn’t make me nice and sweet to be around. In fact, when I force myself with small things, I’m more productive even if I’m embarrassed.
I wish I never pursued an art degree. I hate being in visual arts. I hate the community, I hate the expectations, I hate how people act towards art degrees, I hate stereotypes, I hate the ideas. I don’t want to do anything else because there’s nothing different. I can’t stand a lot of things and people nor do I feel entitled to. People don’t change their actions for me. Why do I have to change?
Then I constantly get gaslight or mildly get pushed around because I quote on quote have potential. I don’t like the politics of galleries, if people can’t listen to me or care bout my art other than their little weak take on it, why do I have to do it? It’s not like they care about me. They care about how my piece makes them feel and I don’t want to make stuff for people to enjoy. I want people to like what I put out.
Nowhere do I want to come after artists that literally choose to sell out or do things for other people because they’re lucky they can do that and are born with that personality. I’m not. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but being an art major is literally a pain. I don’t even consider my work art anymore because all these rules.
And if I hear someone say art has no rules, think again. There’s a reason why art majors exist.
There’s no space in this economy not to have no dang degree or a business. I don’t want to make a brand out of myself, I don’t want to sell myself.
I hear so many people whining about everything being fake and manufactured yet they ONLY look at manufactured content. Why are you complaining if change requires you and what you look at? I don’t get it. I’ve even had professors say that to me.
Everyone else in my class I was originally supposed to be in moved on and not all of them had an honest to G*d critique and just got complimented and ignored with okay GPAs.
I’m just bitter. 😂 I’m not sure if it’s serious. Thank you for listening.
What did you bring to the potluck? 
19 replies on “Comfort Zone”
Oh, I hear your frustration and anger loud and clear. It’s all justifiable. So many of the systems in our country are designed in a way that only a few succeed, while the rest either remain stagnant (stuck in place) or are pushed down and threatened for being too big and loud. I tell my kids all the time, play the stupid game and then when you can, change the damn rules.
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😭 I rather play a more fun game and help my sanity. I don’t know why I’m like that, but I accept it. I’m not missing out on them, they’re missing out on me.
My mom says the same thing though.😂
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You are so much like my daughter!😂
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We are spiritual twins.😂
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“I don’t want to make stuff for people to enjoy. I want people to like what I put out.” Very well said. That’s exactly what I feel about a lot of stuff. People want us to work/behave/create something a certain way that entertain them or make them happy. They just can appreciate us for what we have to offer. Such a toxic thing it is! and the burden of expectations makes you feel suffocated. I hate this toxic behavior of people, especially of parents and teachers.
Art definitely has a lot rules (as per the education system). I feel art to be a very personal thing, you create what you like. Art is an expression of emotions according to me and I feel selling own artwork is not my thing as I got emotionally attached to my pieces. I think I did the right job by not chosing art for higher studies as I can’t bear the burden of the things you’ve mentioned.
Ugh! The world is full of hypocrites. They was things to be real and authentic but when you offer them authenticity they’ll run back to those fake/manufactured content.
I think people fear originality and hence wants us to follow others!!!!
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Originality is so abstract, but I think people reject in a way most humans do. I don’t think they realize how they’re not objective nor have the ability to be. Just like how some people think they’re not emotional but everything they sounds like it’s fear and scorning. They don’t like it, therefore they want to change it.
I think that’s fine, I don’t like everything, but if there’s no underlying art skills/fundamentals/formalism then the critique is rendered useless.
Art for me is something to sell. It’s very stressful to make an art object and craft it for the intentions of someone else and they may not want it. I used to try drawing for teachers as a kid and they would reject the drawing (either because I’m not their kid/related biologically to them—I specified this because a lot of them only support blood and not found relationships) and say “oh it’s nice” and give it back to me which would make me sad. Oh well.
Thinking about that, if a teacher doesn’t like a drawing, consider how an audience responds when it’s not a commission or even trying to put crap in a gallery.🥺
That’s mostly my regret. I love learning new words and techniques, but I don’t want to enter the old, multibillion, corrupt system just to not do what I want.
Some days, I wish there was an elixir that I could take anywhere that would make me want to do stuff like that instantly, but it doesn’t exist yet. 😔
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If you ever find that elixir, do let me know. I need that the most at present! 🙂
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One of my friends was an art major, it was one of her degrees, and yes art has rules. In fact most people who “make it” as an artist either has to seriously sell out or be from a privileged background. It sucks but it’s the truth. It’s like that for a lot of degrees that are for subjects that are supposed to let artists create what they want but in the end they just force you to learn about famous artists and replicate their beliefs of what makes good art. I feel that way about writing degrees sometimes too.
Anyway, it helps to rant so hope this made you feel better.
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Thank you! Finally! Someone said it! I really don’t want to leave my degree because it has truly helped me think about things, but some of the things they force me to do makes me depressed and very sad and makes me feel like I’m not good enough at what I’m doing and encouraged to do things that help me with my progress and work on myself. I do not subscribe to mindless idol worship (not in the Christian or religious sense) but no one can tell me that someone is good. I have to feel it in my heart. I’m not just gonna jump into it. I’ve had so many people who are very likeminded to that.
It’s not me simping after them is going to make me loved in history or people are going to find my renditions good. It’s just silly.
The sad part of all this is that if I would’ve put effort into my art before I went to school and did social media grinding, I would have more authority, more followers, and my foot closer to the door and probably like galleries and art politics more…but I’m not. I don’t feel like it’s a waste, but it’s just a headache.
And it seems like a lot of sell out, politically charged, word salad/buzzword, grifting writers seem to make the most money, especially when they have a degree and authority.
The world gets on my nerves sometimes, but that’s why I write and do stuff that vaguely has to do with it. A headache!
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Yeah it’s always like that for certain degrees. I totally understand your frustration. And you have every right to feel that way. These days how many followers you have, how much controversy you can create etc are more important than what your art actually looks like.
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I had a professor (white male) complain that he couldn’t just make art that’s racially motivated because nobody cares about that and since he’s a man, nobody cares about that.
While saying this in front of other Black people. (I go to a historically Black college/HBCU. I don’t know if y’all know what those are in Kenya, but you may know what they are so I don’t want to over explain.)
It felt so condescending! Nobody wants to make art based on their race or gender, they just do that because they want money or support. I hate doing art that’s racially motivated and the stuff I do that is (like the stuff I write about) it’s just a trauma response or political stress but it’s the only thing wealthy white people care about (and people who sold out who don’t want to look like they did.) They only are there because they want to look inclusive and like they care, they don’t care about politics here because nothing’s changed and a lot of political parties are fighting for decent treatment and attention. When he told me that, it made me mad.
But I know right. How many followers, how many clicks. Art has always been like that, it’s just some new barrier to add onto.
Thank you for understanding me. I appreciate it.☺️
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Wow, the audacity. A lot of women, queer people, people of colour etc use their experiences in their because they don’t have the privileges or the connections that white artists do. It’s what they need to do to make money and gain fame. And like you, some of them are just trying to process their experiences as someone who is part of a minority. I can’t believe your professor is really complaining about something so ridiculous. Yeah I know about those colleges because of the stuff I learnt and it makes what your professor said so much worse since it around people from a minority group who are forced to have experiences he never will. And who don’t have the privileges he has and will always experience.
You’re totally welcome. As someone who took a lot of liberal art subjects, I really do feel your pain.
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Exactly, it’s just disrespectful and he has plenty of things he can talk about. My art is too traceable to talk crap, but he does environmental dioramas that are too literal and in most art spaces, the audience doesn’t want art that’s literal, they want to see art that they can make their own ideas and feel their own way of doing it. People see art and want to think and experience. That’s why he fails, not because of racial or sex based stuff. He was just being sensitive, and I can see why, but I don’t think it’s fair to say marginalized have it easy because some people want buy their art of their suffering or coping and saying that he feels like he has nothing to talk about.
I understand feeling uncomfortable and scorned for not doing something “popular” or enough, but I just think he’s lazy and maybe he’s mildly incompetent in everything else so he found himself in art. I don’t know. Just condescending and childish.🙄 I don’t spend time fighting that but it made me stressed out.😂
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Lol, yeah he definitely seems like he’s just being whiny because things aren’t going as he had hoped. And that’s probably no one’s fault but his own but of course it’s easier to blame everyone else instead of admitting that.
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Agreed. I do it all the time. It only helps the ego for a while, but it doesn’t help after a while.
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Oh and yeah, I feel better. Halfway through I felt better but I felt bad for posting online but I wanted attention.😂 (tbh)
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Lol we all want attention that’s why we blog 😅
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Wanting attention isn’t too bad anyway. It’s only when it affects the person’s way of living. We all are social creatures looking for each others validation and approval.☺️
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Yup, totally agree. 😊
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