about me artwork Rants and Rambles

Learn the rules so you can break them!

A big rant when I found my old pictures.

I don’t want to go back.

but is it possible to go back
to the old things,
not the good things,
the bad?

and reimagine them
as the good they once were,
the happiness it gave,
the sadness it sheltered.

the bad art that was made…
can I clear my mind to remember what it once was?
it is reasonable to think it is bad because I was told to do better and it moved my heart, causing it to writhe…my eyes glew up with the idea this person wants to help me,
they know the bad,
they can help me.

But did they?
I can’t seem to draw a picture without hearing critiques, never bad, just mindfulness, but never enjoying the task anymore and wanting this perfection.

A teacher cannot teach me perfection,
it doesn’t exist.
Yet, it does. It exists as much as race, religion, government, gender, sex, control.
It has to exist…but I don’t like it.

My liking doesn’t matter,
there are important things.

I don’t exist as an individual, I never have.
everything but.

I am a product,
A statistic,
A follower,
A mistake, an Idiot.

Never something as my own.

My opinions only ruin people’s days, but rarely change them.
I have no influence.
I could disappear,
and the only thing that would be sad is that I’m dead or hurt,
but it doesn’t matter.
cry about the issue and not the person.

And when someone becomes my product,
my statistic, my follower, another mistake, and another idiot under me…

well, I’ll still be nothing.

3 replies on “Learn the rules so you can break them!”

First, I’m sending you a hug because it seems like you need it and I’m a mom and its what we do 🙂 Second, I think perfection isn’t the goal for anyone. You need to figure out why you draw and create. What drives you? I discovered for me it’s how I make sense of the world. To write, for me, is to breathe and think. When I stop creating…I walk around in a daze without breath. Think about what art/creating means for you. Do it for that purpose. Stick with what is real/you/authentic. It’s good to gain skills, but don’t forget the why. It’s the most important thing.

Also, I LOVE the girl in the purple shirt. It’s seriously so beautiful. I love everything about it, but especially those eyes…wow!

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I like art because I’m a mild (more like medium hot) control freak and I like to control what I’m looking at, how the world works, and the story. Since I am not God or any other essential figure, I create that myself.

I also like looking at the art when it’s done. It’s usually so pretty and it makes me happy. 😂

Writing is the same to me. I like using words like I like using color. Some words just have that connection of something of a dull blue or others like a neon color. The small details paint more of a picture then simply focusing on the big picture first (depending on the piece). Sometimes it’s the opposite.

I love creating stuff because it gives “answers” to my reality. When I don’t create, I still manage to create something whether it’s an argument, lie, or a story. I just like that. That’s my personality.😂

And yes, I definitely do need a hug.😂 Life is complex and frustrating and it’s even more frustrating when the answers found draw more questions and have equally interesting paths.

Liked by 1 person

And me too, that girl has a very cute look. I wish that my watercolor skills were better at the time because while it’s super cute, the quality of the painting is bad. I love that style though, I tried realism more because it made me look like I improved more, but looking at that, it’s still anatomically ok in my standards and is cutesy.

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